Womens Safety

The following list of warning signs of an abusive relationship are especially important if you are unsure about your date, your new relationship, or whether your current relationship has taken a worrisome turn. Of course, there are the more obvious signs of abuse, such as verbal threats and physical violence. However, many have expressed concerns or uncertainty, telling me they were unsure whether certain actions or behaviours should be considered abusive or toxic. This brief article is highlighting several warning signs of an abusive relationship. I have put this checklist together with you in mind and will attempt to highlight some of the more cunning, but equally important signs of an abusive and unhealthy relationship.

Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Whether you’ve recently started dating, your relationship has taken a discouraging turn, or you’re noticing behaviours that feel unsettling, this article aims to provide clarity. When it comes to your safety and well-being, it’s most certainly important to err on the side of caution. It’s equally important to periodically assess both new and long-established relationships for troubling behaviours.

18 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship:

  1. Disregarding the Word ‘No’

This is, hands down, the number one question: does your date or partner respect your boundaries? If you say no—to a drink, to a kiss, to staying out longer, or even to something as simple as a movie or song choice—does he listen? Or does he casually override your objections, perhaps with a smile to make it seem less wrong?

A man who does not take ‘no’ for an answer is not respecting your autonomy and can be displaying manipulative behaviour. This is not about manners or politeness; this is about basic respect. If he does not take ‘no’ for an answer, then walk away. Respecting boundaries is non-negotiable. Every time your ‘no’ is dismissed, it undermines your ability to feel safe and respected within the relationship. Recognise this as a red flag that may indicate further controlling behaviour in the future.

  1. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation to make you question your sanity or perception. Examples:

  • Denial of events or conversations.
  • Accusations of overreaction on your part.
  • Shift of blame onto you.
  • Withholding of important information.

If you find yourself constantly questioning your sanity or saying sorry for everything, then it is time to re-evaluate this relationship. Gaslighting undermines confidence and self-determination. Over time, it can make you feel dependent on the very person causing the harm as you may begin to doubt your ability to explore life independently.

  1. Typecasting

Typecasting is labelling you so that you must prove the label wrong. Example: “You’re unadventurous” as a way of forcing you into doing something you don’t want to do. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Your boundaries are more important than someone else’s opinion. Giving in to this usually means you compromise your values or safety, so prioritise your comfort and decisions.

  1. Loan Sharking

This involves offering unsolicited help to make you feel indebted. For example: fixing something for you and then expecting a favour in return. Healthy relationships don’t rely on transactional dynamics. Genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. Loan sharking creates a power imbalance where you feel obligated to repay favours, often at the cost of your comfort or safety. This is a tactic often used to establish control under the guise of generosity.

  1. Love Bombing

Love bombing is most certainly something to watch out for on a date or at an early stage in the relationship. This is smothering you with excessive attention, gifts, or flattery with the goal of quickly gaining one’s trust and/or love. Love bombing is almost always followed by control or abuse. While it may seem flattering at first, love bombing is many times manipulative and unsustainable. It puts you in a position where you believe you need to return the excessively strong feelings of love, even if those feelings feel suffocating or untrue.

  1. Disregard for Your Privacy

A healthy relationship respects your need for space. If your partner continues to invade your personal time or privacy, that could be possessiveness and a lack of boundaries. This may be in the form of going through your belongings, checking messages, and insisting on being part of everything in your life.

  1. Pressure to Commit Quickly

Rushing into commitment—be that by moving in together, getting engaged, or making joint decisions in an already established relationship—is a way to cut your time short to consider the relationship critically. Take your time and trust your instincts. A partner who respects you will understand the need to move at a pace that feels right for both of you.

  1. Refusal to Apologise

Everyone makes mistakes, but a partner who refuses to apologise or admit fault is not taking accountability. Most of the time, this is indicative of entitlement and an inability to empathise. A refusal to apologise does not just tear down trust; it shows complete disregard for your feelings and the well-being of the relationship.

  1. Mocking or Belittling Your Goals

Is your date or partner belittling your goals, passions, or achievements? That’s a method to make you doubt your confidence to feel less competent or independent. If it keeps happening for too long, your growth will be retarded, and this will make you doubt your potentials, which again facilitates their control. A supportive partner celebrates your success and encourages the fulfilment of your potentials.

  1. Jealousy

A little jealousy may seem harmless, but when excessive, it’s a red flag. Jealousy can go from an insecure display to a manipulative and controlling tool in no time. Watch out for these patterns: no good relationship is based on suspicion but rather on trust. You are constantly proving your loyalty, and this could leave you emotionally drained, detached from your support system. Warning signs include the following:

  • Monitoring your every move.
  • Expecting you to respond immediately to texts and calls.
  • Controlling your social media content.
  • Isolating you from family and friends.
  • Blaming you for their jealousy or insecurity.
  • Using intimidation or threats to control your behaviour.
  1. Financial Control

It is often the case that one person takes responsibility for managing financial aspects such as paying utility bills, the mortgage, or budgeting for planned outgoings. Every relationship dynamic is a little different and that is perfectly ok. But this should start ringing alarm bells if you start losing control of your finances, have limited access to accounts, or find your partner is spending your money or putting purchases on your credit cards without your knowledge. This might be because of negligence on their part or a deliberate move to render you financially dependent. You must be in full knowledge of your own finances. It protects your autonomy and provides you with the resources to exit a relationship if it were to become toxic or unhealthy.

Personal safety tips for women

  1. Deceit

A good relationship is based on trust, and if one partner is dishonest, it will just bring into reality feelings of isolation and lack of emotional closeness. Also, there is barely any opportunity to get a real connection if one of the partners is lying all the time. Monitor closely for repeated behavioural patterns. Does he frequently lie or withhold important information from you?

  1. Cheating and Disloyalty

There is partial truth to the saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Not every cheating individual becomes a repeat offender, but for certain, repeated unfaithfulness reveals more serious issues of disrespect and entitlement. I advise you to pay closer attention to your partners’ behaviour if they have ever betrayed your trust. Cheating illustrates that the individual is irresponsible and lacks empathy, which is an essential ingredient in relationships. It also erodes the emotional foundation of trust.

  1. Disrespect

Disrespect comes out as rudeness, disregard of your needs or opinions, and offensive conduct. It may start small, often escalating to brazen disregard for the person’s feelings or opinions. However, this most certainly does not always precede violence, but is a sure warning sign that should not be ignored.

  1. Guilty Feelings

Emotional manipulators will use guilt to get their way. If your partner guilt trips you on purpose to control your decisions or behaviour, this is a red flag. No real relationship is based on feelings of guilt. The partner who consistently makes you feel at fault is in it for the control aspect, not for understanding you. Over time, this can cause you to doubt yourself and even lose your own identity as you try to make them happy instead of making yourself happy.

  1. Intimidation

Intimidation is one of the more obvious warning signs of an abusive relationship. It involves using threats of any type. It can be threats of harm to you, your loved ones, or even your pets. Subtle intimidation may be an aggressive body language threat or a veiled threat, which is an influential way to make you do something and should never be ignored. You have the right to feel safe, not afraid.

  1. Charm on Agenda

Charm can be an art and not a virtue. If anyone is too charming, then question whether it is real or there is a motive behind it. Trust actions more than words as true charm does not feel contrived or manipulative. Charm as a tool masks other less acceptable intentions such as the intention to control or manipulate your perception of them.

    18. Sexual Coercion

This could also include pressuring you into sexual activities or performing sexual acts that make you uncomfortable, or at locations where you feel uneasy. It is a warning sign of an abusive relationship because it demonstrates a lack of respect for your boundaries, autonomy, and consent.

Conclusion

No one has the right to make a person feel unsafe or disrespected during the dating phase or within a new or established relationship. By recognising these early warning signs of an abusive relationship, you can look after yourself and set boundaries that support and prioritise your well-being. Trust your instincts, and do not hesitate to seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals.

If you wish to learn more about equally import aspects of women’s personal safety, please consider reading my book NEVER A VICTIM, arguably the most comprehensive guide to women’s safety ever published.

Please also have a look at some of my other blogs, covering subjects such as online dating tips for women, the importance of trusting your intuition, or how to safely escape domestic abuse or violence.