Understanding the U.S. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)


Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) is an alarming social problem with severe consequences for individuals and even society as a whole. For decades, victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, and dating violence were usually without legal protection and support. Too many suffered silently, with limited recourse against an abuser. That changed in 1994 with the passage of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), a landmark bill that changed how the U.S. approached issues of gender-based violence. What is the Violence Against Women Act? The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) of 1994 is a federal law that enhanced legal protections for survivors of domestic and sexual violence while allocating funds for critical programs that support them. First passed in 1994, VAWA was the first major law in the United States to comprehensively address violence against women. It was championed by then-Senator Joe Biden and received bipartisan support, which turned a page in the fight against gender-based violence. For most, there were no doors to knock on before VAWA. Domestic violence was all too often viewed as a “private matter,” law enforcement responses were inconsistent, and few resources were available for victims. Many women feared reporting their abuse, knowing their cases might not be taken seriously or that they could face retaliation. By the early 1990s, one in three U.S. women had reported having been the victim at some point in her lifetime of either a physical or sexual attack, and incidents of domestic violence seldom received the attention of law enforcement or courts. Similarly, shelters or crisis centers operated in only a handful of localities, meaning that most survivors received little intervention. VAWA upended this landscape. The bill allocated $1.6 billion in federal funding to improve the investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women. It mandated restitution from perpetrators, initiated special training for law enforcement, and created the Office on Violence Against Women within the Department of Justice. Perhaps most importantly, it helped launch the National Domestic Violence Hotline in 1996, which has since answered more than 7 million calls, saving countless lives. Since it became law, VAWA has been updated multiple times, specifically in 2000, 2005, 2013, and 2022. With each update, lawmakers have expanded its protections. In 2000, Congress added provisions dealing with dating violence and also strengthened the legal protections for immigrant survivors. The 2005 reauthorization placed a new emphasis on the needs of rural communities and college campuses, recognizing that too often, survivors in both had limited access to the help they needed. The 2022 reauthorization secured rape crisis centers, housing assistance programs, and opportunities for underrepresented communities, continuing the push VAWA had begun to meet the shifting needs of survivors. How is VAWA Making a Difference? The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) has made a significant difference to many female survivors in the past three decades. Federal funding has also been utilized to provide shelters, legal aid, and crisis intervention programs that have saved countless women’s lives. Law enforcement agencies, prosecutors, and judges have received extensive training regarding the seriousness of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. VAWA also introduced critical legal protections that did not exist previously. For example, it made stalking a federal crime and it also ensured that protective orders issued in one state were valid nationwide. In addition, it established federal penalties for abusers crossing state lines to commit their crimes, closing the legal loopholes that once let perpetrators completely bypass the law. These changes sent a clear message: violence against women is a crime that will be met with consequences. What Experts Say About Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) Many experts consider VAWA to be groundbreaking in the way America has changed its response to gender-based violence. Mary P. Koss, a renowned clinical psychologist and researcher, said of VAWA that it was “revolutionary, providing survivors with essential services in an effort to help them find safety, support, and connectivity within their communities.” According to Liz Roberts, Chief Executive of Safe Horizon, one of the largest victim services agencies in the United States, VAWA has helped hundreds of thousands of survivors find safety and rebuild their lives. Attorney General Merrick B. Garland called VAWA a turning point, adding that it didn’t just change how gender-based violence was addressed; it changed how the issue was understood. Others, like Leigh Goodmark, a law professor and author, have been vocal critics of the reliance on the criminal justice system via VAWA. In her article “Reimagining VAWA: Why Criminalization Is a Failed Policy and What a Non-Carceral VAWA Could Look Like,” Goodmark argues that VAWA’s focus on criminalization has in fact failed to reduce violence against women and may actually be harming marginalized communities. She is a strong supporter for alternative approaches that emphasize community-based solutions over punitive measures. Why VAWA still matters today While VAWA has had certain successes, the fight far away from over. According to RAINN, on average, there are 463,634 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States, a number that does not account for other forms of gender-based violence. An average of 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States, more than 12 million women and men over the course of a single year. VAWA has undoubtedly moved the needle in advancing protections and services, but too many survivors still cannot access legal support, housing, justice and safety. In many cases, victims lack adequate legal representation, emergency shelter, and financial support, which forces them to remain in unsafe situations. Another challenge is the permanent threat to VAWA’s funding. Certain provisions in the law must be reauthorized from time to time, and political disputes over funding priorities have often held up vital services. Support organizations and women’s right campaigners continue to press for more significant financial commitments so that shelters, crisis centers, and legal assistance programs can keep doing their critical work. Concluding Remarks VAWA is more than a
The UK’s Latest Sexual Harassment Law & How It Protects You


Sexual harassment remains a significant issue, affecting countless women in workplaces, public spaces, and online. If you are currently experiencing or worried about sexual harassment, it is essential to understand your rights and the legal protections available to you. Recent changes to UK law have strengthened protections against sexual harassment, ensuring that employers are now legally required to take proactive measures to prevent it. Knowing how the law defines sexual harassment and what steps you can take to protect yourself can be incredibly empowering. You are not alone, and there are clear legal pathways to ensure your safety and hold perpetrators accountable. What is sexual harassment? Sexual harassment is a form of unlawful discrimination defined under the Equality Act 2010. It refers to unwanted conduct of a sexual nature that violates an individual’s dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating, or offensive environment. This can include: Verbal harassment – such as inappropriate sexual remarks, comments about your appearance, or unwanted sexual advances. Non-verbal harassment – such as sexually suggestive gestures, whistling, or inappropriate sharing of sexual content. Physical harassment – including unwanted touching, groping, or any form of physical intimidation. The key factor in determining whether behaviour constitutes harassment is how it is perceived by the person experiencing it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, threatened, or degraded, it may be considered harassment under the law. What Has Changed in UK Law? The Worker Protection (Amendment of Equality Act 2010) Act 2023 came into force on 26 October 2024. This landmark change strengthens protections by placing a new legal duty on employers to take reasonable steps to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace. Key changes include: Proactive employer responsibility: Employers must actively prevent sexual harassment rather than just responding to complaints. If they fail to do so, they could face legal consequences. Increased compensation: If an employer is found to have failed in their duty to prevent sexual harassment, any compensation awarded in an employment tribunal can now be increased by up to 25%. Holding employers accountable: Employers are now responsible not only for harassment by colleagues but also by clients, customers, and contractors, ensuring safer workplaces for all employees. The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) has also updated its guidance, urging organisations to identify risks and take preventative measures rather than waiting for incidents to occur. This marks a significant shift in how sexual harassment must be handled within UK workplaces. Baroness Kishwer Falkner, Chair of the EHRC, reinforced this by stating: “Sexual harassment remains widespread and often under-reported. Employers must take active steps to protect their staff from such behaviour.” Similarly, employment law expert Lucy Lewis highlighted the significance of this cultural shift: “The new duty represents a significant shift in culture. Executives can no longer take a ‘helicopter overview’ of the risks and remain removed from operational details.” Why ‘Consent’ Matters Understanding consent is essential because many forms of harassment involve a disregard for personal boundaries and an assumption of entitlement over another person’s body or space. I have written extensively about consent, its legal definitions, and why it is crucial for women’s safety in my blog Consent: The Line that Separates Sex From Rape and Sexual Violence. In short, consent means agreeing freely and willingly to an action, without coercion, pressure, or fear. However, I invite you to read the full article for more in-depth information and clarification on this crucial aspect of women’s personal safety. What Can You Do if You Are Facing Sexual Harassment? If you are experiencing sexual harassment, you do not have to endure it alone. The law is designed to protect you, and there are clear steps you can take: Document everything. Keep a record of every incident, including dates, times, locations, and any witnesses. Save messages, emails, or any evidence that could support your case. Speak to someone you trust. Talk to a friend, family member, or colleague for support. Seeking external advice can help you feel empowered to take action. Report the behaviour. If the harassment occurs in the workplace, report it to your employer or HR department. Your employer is now legally required to take action to prevent harassment and investigate any reported incident of sexual harassment. Seek professional support. Women’s rights, or women’s support organisations, legal services, and Citizens Advice can provide guidance on your next steps and offer confidential legal advice. Take legal action if necessary. If your employer fails to address the harassment, you have the right to file a claim in an employment tribunal. A legal expert can help you navigate this process to hold those responsible to account. It is crucial to know that you are not powerless. The law is evolving to better protect women, ensuring that sexual harassment is no longer ignored or dismissed. For further women’s safety advice, covering a multitude of subjects, please read my book NEVER A VICTIM, the most comprehensive guide to women’s safety published to date. And whatever you do and where you are, trust your instincts.
The Best Safety Tips for Female Students Starting College or University


Starting college or university is an exciting milestone, filled with new opportunities and the promise of independence. However, for many young women and female students, this transition can also bring anxiety, particularly with stories of campus-related dangers circulating in the media. While colleges and universities are generally safe environments, it’s essential to equip yourself with knowledge and strategies to stay safe. This article offers practical personal safety tips for female students and also their parents, blending helpful insights from leading safety organisations with relevant statistics from the UK, USA, and Australia: USA: According to RAINN (the largest anti-sexual violence organisation in the United States), female students are at a particularly high risk, with 26.4% of undergraduate women reporting some form of sexual assault during their college years. UK: A 2023 survey by Revolt Sexual Assault found that 62% of UK university students and recent graduates experienced sexual violence during their studies, and only 10% reported these incidents to their institutions. Australia: The Australian Human Rights Commission’s 2021 report revealed that 1 in 6 students were sexually harassed in a university setting, with 1 in 20 experiencing sexual assault. While these statistics can be a little daunting, they highlight the importance of proactive safety measures and open conversations about personal safety for female students. Personal Safety for Female Students Starts With Awareness Your situational and environmental awareness is arguably your most powerful tool for personal safety. Being mindful of your surroundings, recognising how situations and conditions can change (sometimes within a single second), understanding potential risks, and knowing how to respond can significantly reduce your chances of becoming a victim of physical or sexual crime. In addition to staying aware, the following recommendations are well worth your attention: Trust Your Instincts Your intuition is your first line of defence. If a situation feels off, trust your intuition, your instinct, your gut feeling, and remove yourself from it. Whether it’s declining an invitation that doesn’t feel right, stepping away from a conversation that makes you uncomfortable, or leaving a location that simply has the wrong vibe, listening to your instincts, your gut feeling, is absolutely vital. Know Your Surroundings Familiarise yourself with campus layouts, including emergency exits, security offices, well-lit areas, and any other safe spaces. Universities often have safety maps highlighting blue-light emergency phones and CCTV-monitored zones. Make it a habit to plan your route when walking late at night and stick to well-lit and well-trafficked areas. Understand Consent and Boundaries Consent is a crucial topic for all students. In my book “NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety” I make it very clear what consent in above context means: “What distinguishes consensual sex or gestures of affection from sexual assault is consent. Sexual consent is a free, voluntary, and informed agreement between you and another person to participate in a sexual act. It must be clearly and freely communicated. Remember, you cannot give consent if you are underage, intoxicated, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. If you find yourself agreeing to an activity under pressure, intimidation, or threat, that is not true consent because it was not given freely. Be aware that unequal power dynamics, such as those between you and an employer or teacher, also invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in these situations. Consent is all about clear communication, and you have the right to withdraw it at any point if you feel uncomfortable. While verbally withdrawing your consent can sometimes be challenging, you can also use non-verbal cues, such as showing discomfort, to withdraw your consent.” Parents should ensure their daughters understand the importance of clear boundaries in personal and social interactions. Universities often host workshops and resources on this subject, which can be valuable for students. Practical Tips for Staying Safe at College or University Buddy Systems and Check-Ins Establish a “buddy system” with friends. Whether attending a party, heading home from the library, or going for a jog, having someone who knows your whereabouts can be a lifesaver. Regular check-ins via text or a quick phone call can provide peace of mind. Smart Use of Technology Technology can be both a risk and a safety tool. On the positive side: Use campus safety apps or any reputable personal safety apps, which allows you to easily and quickly share your location with trusted contacts or alert authorities in an emergency. Enable location-sharing features with close friends or family on apps like WhatsApp, Find My iPhone, or Google Maps. Be cautious about oversharing personal information on social media, which could expose your location or routine to the wrong audience. Again, technology has enabled us to communicate easier with each other and quickly call for help, however, I urge you to read my article on ‘technology-enabled abuse’, preventing you from falling victim to any related criminal offences, or, find effective solution in case you are currently experiencing such abuse. Alcohol Awareness Alcohol is regretably often a factor in campus assaults. If drinking, try and pace yourself and know your limits. Don’t allow others to bully you into excessive drinking, and be aware that some might use manipulative tactics such as repeatedely offering you a free drink or extra shot. And we all will know by now, never leave your drink unattended, and if possible, opt for pre-opened or bottled beverages, or purchase one of these effective, versatile, drink covers/protectors. Stick with friends and look out for each other in all social settings. For more in-depth advice on drink spiking and alcohol awareness please visit the UK’s Drinkaware website. However, I will be writing a dedicated article about this subject shortly — so, please visit my blog again soon. Make Use of Campus Resources Many colleges and universities offer several useful resources such as: Campus Security: Most institutions have security teams available 24/7 to escort students or respond to incidents. Counselling Services: For emotional support, counselling services can provide a safe space to talk about fears or incidents. Sexual Abuse,
Practical Ways to Help a Friend Escape An Abusive Relationship Safely


When someone close to you finds themselves in the clutches of an abusive relationship, the urge can be really overwhelming to help. You might feel helpless, torn, or even afraid your intervention may accidentally make things worse. Helping a friend through this terrifying ordeal is not just an act of kindness, but one that offers you an opportunity to guide them toward rebuilding their life in safety. The following are practical ways you can help a loved one to escape an abusive relationship safely. Understanding the Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship Before trying to help, it’s important to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships. By now, most of us know that domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence; it can include emotional manipulation, financial control, sexual coercion, and psychological intimidation. Many victims stay in an abusive relationship because leaving often feels even more dangerous and frightening than staying. They may fear losing their home, the impact on their children, or the financial and legal battles ahead. Others may fear the potential physical repercussions and ongoing threats. Our shared priority must be to empower these women to stay in their own homes, maintain their surroundings, and live in a way that encourages stability. Instead of disrupting the lives of these women, our efforts must focus directly on the abusing partner-through legal intervention, investigation, and prosecution if necessary. In this way, the victim’s home will once again become a safe and peaceful place. Several international studies and research, such as by the Australia, the Staying Home Leaving Violence (SHLV) Program exemplify the approach of enabling women to remain safely in their homes. This is just one of many international initiative focuses on removing the perpetrator and providing support services to the victim, thereby maintaining stability for women and their children. The program’s objective is to prevent homelessness by ensuring that women can stay in their own homes, preserving their community ties and support networks. However, this is often not possible, therefore please note the following guidance and recommendations: Listen Without Judgment The most important thing one can do to help a person in an abusive relationship is to listen without judgment. When a friend or loved one opens up to you, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or even critique their decisions; instead, create a space where they feel really heard and supported. Reassure them with words like, “I’m here for you, no matter what,” “It’s not your fault,” or “I believe you.” They may not be ready to take action right away, and that’s absolutely okay. Building trust and providing unwavering support is vital in laying the groundwork for their next steps. Focus on Safety First Safety must always be the top priority, both during the relationship and if, or when, your friend is planning to escape or leave. Encourage your loved one to develop a practical safety plan. This might include identifying safe areas in their home with easy exits and no weapons, packing an emergency bag with essentials like identification, money, keys, medications, and documents, or establishing a discreet code word to signal they’re in danger. In fact, I have written an article specifically about this subject, and I kindly invite you to read it: Your Emergency Bag Packlist for Leaving an Abusive Relationship. Advise them to document any evidence regarding abuse, which can be in the form of photos of injuries, threatening messages, or even detailed journal entries that might come in handy if legal action is taken. Let them know this is not to force them out of their homes but to ensure they are safe while determining what’s next. Empower Them to Decide The urge to take over might feel like a formidable temptation. However, your friend needs to know that they have a choice. Victims of abuse often feel very powerless in their lives, and even the most well-intentioned interventions can reinforce this feeling. Instead of telling them what they should do, provide resources, information, and options, and let them decide what feels right for them. Empowering survivors of domestic abuse to make their own decisions is crucial for their recovery and autonomy. Psychology Today emphasises that “we must empower the victims of abuse to leave without worsening their plight if they stay,” highlighting the importance of supporting survivors’ choices. You might offer to go with them to the police, lawyer, or support organisation, or ask what step feels most urgent for them right now. This not only empowers them to feel confident but also affirms their capability in taking back control of their life. Encourage Professional Support While your support is invaluable, please be aware that many situations require professional help to get out of such, sometimes very complex, difficulties. Encourage your friend to contact domestic abuse hotlines, shelters, counselling, or lawyers with whom she trusts. Offer to aid in making such connections or to accompany your friend to appointments if this will make her comfortable. Professional help offers the skills and knowledge to approach the many problems that accompany a person leaving the abusive relationship. Target the Abusive Partner A necessary turn in addressing domestic abuse is a shift toward perpetrator accountability. It needs to be the abuser who faces disruption, consequences, and removal, not the victim. Encourage your friend to seek protective measures such as restraining orders or non-molestation orders that may prevent the abuser from coming near them or contacting them. Advocate for due investigation, arrest, and prosecution when appropriate. Society really must change the question: from “Why doesn’t she leave?” to “Why isn’t he stopped?” We need to address the perpetrator, and by doing so, we empower the victim and ensure their right to safety within her own home. Rebuild the concept of a home being a safe space, a sanctuary, not a place of fear. You can also help your friend retake their space by helping with practical security measures, such as changing the locks, installing cameras, or adding an alarm system. Proactively getting the police
Understanding Violence Against Women: The Reality Behind the Myths


For us to better understand the reality of violence against women, we first must shine a light on the many myths sourrounding it, as they bolster harmful stereotypes and blame the victim, contributing to barriers in creating meaningful change. By perpetuating such misconceptions, society minimises the seriousness of abuses and obstructs the path to a safer world for women. Below, I examine some of the most persistent myths about violence against women and explore the realities underlying each: Myth: “Strangers are the greatest threat.” Reality: Most women are attacked by someone they know. Studies consistently confirm that rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse are most often perpetrated by a family member, an intimate partner, or an acquaintance. While stranger attacks can and do occur, they are far less common. A 2018 study by researchers at Glasgow University, interviewing almost 1,000 rape survivors, revealed that more than 90% knew their attacker. Other statistics from organisations like RAINN and the CDC further confirm that the “stranger danger” myth should be discarded. This myth fosters a false sense of security and blinds people to dangers closer to home. Recognising this reality allows for discussions about societal efforts to prevent crimes, using approaches that address trust dynamics and manipulative actions common in personal relationships. Myth: “Women’s clothing, behaviour, demeanour, or level of intoxication invites violence.” Reality: No one invites violence, and responsibility always rests solely with the perpetrator. Blaming a survivor’s clothing or actions for a rape perpetuates rape culture and obstructs justice. What someone wears, how they behave, or whether they are intoxicated does not justify a perpetrator’s decision to commit violence. Research has shown that victim-blaming discourages survivors from reporting assaults or seeking help. Public education campaigns must make it clear that violence is never the fault of the victim and that societal narratives should focus on holding perpetrators accountable. Myth: “Abuse isn’t ‘real’ unless it involves physical harm.” Reality: Abuse takes many forms beyond physical violence, including psychological, emotional, financial, and technological abuse. Coercive control, stalking, and tactics of isolation can be just as destructive and are often precursors to physical violence. These forms of non-physical abuse leave long-lasting psychological scars, affecting self-esteem, mental health, and the ability to trust others. All forms of abuse must be acknowledged to provide comprehensive support systems for survivors and to improve understanding of the dynamics of violence. Myth: “Violence against women is inevitable, part of human nature, and can never be eliminated.” Reality: Violence is a learned behaviour, not an inherent part of human nature. It is fuelled by societal norms, cultural attitudes, and systemic inequalities. Where focused efforts exist, violence can be prevented. Effective prevention strategies address misogyny, promote gender equality, and support young men who have witnessed or experienced abuse, breaking the cycle of violence. Accountability is essential. This includes thorough investigations by the police, sensitive prosecution of cases, and punitive sentences for perpetrators. Rebuilding trust in the justice system and dismantling patriarchal mindsets are equally critical. Myth: “Marital rape isn’t real. A husband is entitled to sex in a marriage.” Reality: In many countries, marital rape is recognised as a crime, defined by the lack of consent. Consent is required in all sexual relationships, including marriage. The belief that marriage grants unlimited access to a partner’s body stems from outdated patriarchal views, which deny women autonomy and agency. Global advocacy continues to fight for legal protections against marital rape in regions where it remains unrecognised. Challenging this damaging myth reinforces the principle that all individuals have ownership over their own bodies. Myth: “Domestic violence only happens in poor or uneducated families or within particular socio-economic or cultural groups.” Reality: Domestic violence transcends class, culture, religion, and educational background. It can affect anyone, regardless of circumstances. While some groups may face additional barriers to support, no group is immune to the possibility of violence. Focusing solely on stereotypes about who experiences violence risks neglecting survivors from diverse backgrounds. Addressing abuse inclusively ensures more effective interventions. Myth: “Women can avoid violence by making ‘better choices,’ such as staying sober, avoiding risky areas, or not going out alone.” Reality: While personal awareness is important, this myth shifts the burden of safety onto women instead of holding perpetrators accountable. Women are attacked in all environments, regardless of their behaviour, dress, or personality. For instance, most sexual assaults occur in traditionally safe locations, such as homes or workplaces, often perpetrated by individuals known and trusted by the victim. Ending violence requires a shift in focus, from scrutinising women’s choices to preventing perpetrators from committing acts of violence. Myth: “Leaving an abusive relationship is easy. If a woman stays, it’s her choice.” Reality: Leaving an abusive relationship is complex and often dangerous. Abusers use financial control, emotional manipulation, and threats to maintain power over their victims. In many cases, the risk of violence increases when a victim attempts to leave. Additional barriers include fear of judgement, lack of support, concern for children’s safety, and shared financial responsibilities. Providing survivors with access to safe shelters, legal resources, and emotional support is essential to enabling them to leave abusive situations safely. Please read my dedicated blog, if you would like to help a loved one to escape domestic abuse safely. Myth: “Most perpetrators are ‘monsters’ or mentally ill and can easily be recognised as dangerous individuals.” Reality: Most offenders appear normal to those around them. Many are charming, well-liked, and hold respected positions in their communities, and others are someone else’s best friend, favourite son, or kind neighbour, which helps them manipulate victims and evade suspicion. Violence against women is about power and control, not mental illness. This myth perpetuates the stereotype that abusers are easily identifiable, leading to abuse being overlooked in everyday contexts. Challenging this misconception promotes vigilance in all settings. Myth: “Women exaggerate or fabricate allegations of violence for attention or revenge.” Reality: False reports of violence are extremely rare. Studies show they constitute a small percentage of reported cases. In contrast, most rapes go
Empowering Conversations: How to Guide Your Teenage Daughter on Safety, Consent, and Boundaries


Have an open and honest conversation about safety, consent, and healthy boundaries in the context of relationships, sex, and general adolescent development. That way they are much better understood. Parents should provide an environment that empowers young women to independently make choices while building their confidence. I know that discussions of such sensitive topics are not always very easy to start. Parents have to approach such conversations with a great level of empathy: listen to their daughters without immediate criticism or interruptions. Such openness allows teenagers to be more open with their thoughts, knowing that their viewpoints are valued. Using real-life scenarios, appropriate media, or a current event can be great ways to open a conversation. For instance, discussing a film or news story about someone going through relationship problems helps to normalise the topic and make it relatable. Consent and Boundaries Daughters should be taught the principle of mutual agreement in all relationships. Consent is not the absence of a “no”; consent is the presence of an enthusiastic “yes.” The daughter should be advised that this also applies to physical relationships, let alone other life aspects. As stated by RAINN, the largest anti-sexual violence organisation in the US, “consent is about communication, and it must be given without coercion, pressure, or manipulation.” This view emphasises the recognition of both verbal and non-verbal cues in relationships. I have delved into the subject of ‘consent’ in my blog: ‘Consent’ — Separating Sex from Rape, Sexual Assault, and Abuse. Encourage your daughter to appreciate that others’ boundaries are important too, just as she has a right to her own. Engage her in role-playing on situations where she may want to say no, or even in scenarios where she feels she may want to. She should be told that saying no is okay, even when it might appear easier to say yes, if it were something that would make her uncomfortable. Technology and Safety In today’s world, technology can be a great ally in personal safety, but at the same time, it presents its challenges. Parents should teach daughters online safety, like recognising red flags when someone asks for private information or sends inappropriate messages. Encourage the use of safety apps that let teenagers quickly alert trusted contacts if they don’t feel safe. Discuss with them the possible risks of oversharing on social media platforms and how important privacy settings are. Meanwhile, make sure your daughter knows she can always come to you with any concerns regarding online interactions without receiving any sort of punishment or judgement. Keeping the lines of communication open about digital safety is critical. Recognising Manipulative Behaviours An important part of looking after your daughter’s well-being is teaching her how to recognise manipulation in others. Explain common methods, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or the isolation of an individual from their support network. Role-play different scenarios that might help her identify these behaviours and practise active responses. As psychologist Dr Lisa Damour, an expert in adolescent development, explains in her book Untangled, teenagers are often testing the boundaries as they learn about independence. Parents should strike a balance between guidance and allowing daughters to learn from safe, controlled experiences. This empowers them to trust their instincts and develop critical thinking skills. Building Self-Confidence and Resilience Confidence is a protective factor against manipulation and exploitation. Encourage your daughter in activities that will help her build self-esteem, be it through sports, the arts, volunteering, or attending to hobbies she is interested in. Praise her achievements and efforts; focus on character and strengths, not appearance. Building resilience also means teaching her to view setbacks constructively. You may want to share stories from your own life where you overcame challenges. Also, remind her that mistakes are part of growth. Resilience will help her face challenging situations with grace and determination. The Importance of Friends Friends have a huge influence on the perception and choices of teenagers. Encourage your daughter to form healthy, supportive friendships. Discuss toxic relationships, be they romantic or platonic, and how to identify them, with a mutual respect basis. Teach her to be an upstander, not a bystander. Empower her to speak out against bullying, harassment, or unsafe behaviours. Not only will it reinforce her values, but it also helps her develop skills in self- and peer advocacy. Empowerment through Education Knowledge is the key to empowerment and safety. Inform her with the following practical tips: She should trust her instincts. If something feels bad, it probably is. Be aware of the environment, wherever she may be, especially new environments. Let a trusted friend or family member know her plans. Know where to get help if in danger, whether calling a helpline, contacting a trusted adult, or using resources in the community. One of the most empowering things a parent can do is acknowledge that dangers exist but reassure their daughter that she is capable of navigating the world safely with the right tools and mindset. When Things Go Wrong: Providing Support Notwithstanding all precautions, nobody is protected from bad experiences. Make your daughter understand that in case something goes wrong, she will always have your unconditional support. Reassure her that she will never be blamed for what happened to her and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Laying the Foundation for a Lifetime of Safety By having these conversations now, you are giving your daughter the tools she will carry for life. You’re teaching her not just how to stay safe but also how to stand up for herself and others. The lessons you instil today will guide her in forming healthy relationships and making smart choices as she grows into adulthood. Subject to the age and maturity of your daughter, you may wish to discuss the content of my article: Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist For wider information on women’s safety and consent, including detailed advice for parents, I recommend referring to my book entitled NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide
Rapists: Often Familiar Faces and Rarely Strangers


The mask of the stranger lurking in the shadows has long dominated narratives of societal perception about rape. This image is portrayed in media, cautionary tales, and even professional safety campaigns. But how real is this? Research and statistics strongly support that rapists are usually not strangers, but individuals known to the victim survivor. My article explores the evidence, the reasons behind this reality, and the societal implications of this misunderstood truth. Breaking the Myth: Rapists Are Rarely Strangers RAINN, the largest nonprofit anti-sexual assault organisation in the USA, reports that 39% of sexual assaults in the United States are committed by acquaintances, and 33% by current or former intimate partners. The US based National Sexual Violence Resource Centre reports that more than half (51.1%) of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance. These statistics provide evidence of one troubling fact: most rapists are people whom the victim knows and may even be very close to. This has also been evidenced globally: It has been estimated that over 90% of all rapes and sexual assaults involve victims who knew their attacker, according to a study conducted by Scottish University of Glasgow. These statistics further confute the traditional narrative of “stranger danger” and instead point to the proximity of danger within everyday relationships. This perpetuates the dangerous myth that rape is mainly a crime committed by strangers, providing people a false sense of security and promoting negative stereotypes. A well respected colleague of mine (a pain, stress, and trauma psychologist) once said to me: “By focusing on strangers, we don’t prepare individuals to deal with the actual risks, which come from people known to them.” Why Familiarity Increases Vulnerability The fact that most rapists are known to their victims provides an added layer of familiarity that supplies the rapist with victim specific information, trust, and access. Attackers who are within the social networks of the victim (through friendship, family, or intimate partnership), use proximity to their advantage in subtle, exploitative ways that might blur boundaries, lowering the victim’s defences. Perhaps one of the most harrowing examples of this dynamic is the case of Dominique Pelicot, highlighted in all news outlets around the world. A trusted family member, Pelicot used his position as trusted husband to become one of history’s most prolific sexual predators. This abuse often went undetected because of broad societal assumptions that family members or acquaintances are inherently safe. Familiarity also allows for psychological manipulation, often referred to as grooming. Grooming involves gaining the trust and dependence of the victim before exploitation. This is particularly common when there is a young or vulnerable victim. Perpetrators use subtle methods to desensitise their victims to inappropriate behaviour, making it more difficult for them to identify the abuse or report it. Victims often report feeling trapped or confused, unsure if what they are experiencing actually constitutes abuse. The Role of Misconceptions and Victim Blaming When the perpetrator is a familiar face, societal reactions can become more complicated. Victims often face additional layers of victim-blaming. Questions like “Why didn’t you leave?” or “How could you not see the signs?” shift the focus from the perpetrator’s actions to the victim’s perceived shortcomings. This kind of blame not only retraumatises victims but also creates an environment in which future survivors feel discouraged from seeking help. Moreover, the fear of destroying relationships or facing social repercussions keeps many victims silent. According to RAINN, two out of three sexual assaults go unreported, often due to fear of not being believed or fear of retaliation. When the rapist is a family member, intimate partner, or close acquaintance, the stakes are even higher. The emotional and social ties to the perpetrator can make the decision to report extraordinarily complex. This societal tendency to doubt the victim when the attacker is known to them not only discourages reporting but also perpetuates the cycle of abuse. Survivors have to navigate a justice system and a society that all too often protects the reputation of the perpetrator over the well-being of the victim. The stigma of such cases leaves victims in isolation, which worsens their trauma and makes recovery harder. Shifting the Narrative: Addressing and changing the misconceptions about sexual violence will better protect individuals and support survivors. Public education campaigns must work to erase the myth of “stranger danger” and build a reality-based understanding in its place. Understanding that most rapes involve perpetrators known to the victim will effectively inform people about the nature of the threat and may help them recognise warning signs. Educators at all levels, religious leaders, and media representatives all have a role to play in changing public perception about these crimes. Equally important is the support of victims. Support groups provide resources and safe spaces for survivors. These organisations not only provide support but also help educate communities about the dynamics of sexual violence. Legal frameworks also need to evolve to deal more effectively with the complexities of cases involving known perpetrators. For example, a number of jurisdictions are broadening their definitions of consent and grooming to include the power dynamics common in these cases. Law enforcement and judicial systems should make victim-centred approaches a priority to encourage reporting and aid recovery. Community-based initiatives can also provide support. Encouraging bystander intervention and increasing awareness about tactics used to groom can empower individuals to act when they suspect abuse. Programmes in schools, workplaces, and communities should place the onus on the offender rather than the victim. These programmes should emphasise the importance of trust and highlight red flags that might indicate grooming or predatory behaviour. By creating environments in which individuals feel empowered to act, society can begin to break the cycle of abuse. The fact that rapists are more often people known to victim survivors, their friends, work colleagues, neighbours, family members, and intimate partners, isn’t a comfortable truth to confront, but regrettably it is an evidence-based reality. Recognising this truth is crucial to empowering individuals,
Stalking Survival Guide for Women: Expert Advice for Staying Safe


Stalking is a persistent and obsessive course of conduct that instils fear, distress, and frequently culminates in violence. Often associated with abusive relationships, it can destroy lives. Stalking is a criminal offence in many countries, yet victims frequently fail to recognise their experiences as stalking. Instead of asking, “Are you being stalked?”, questions about specific behaviours are more effective. This resource sheds light on stalking behaviours and provides real-world safety solutions. Stalking is not romantic or flattering—it is about obsession, control, and harm. Understanding Stalking The concept of a stranger lurking in the shadows is far from the truth in most cases, as most stalkers are known to their victims. Statistics reveal alarming trends: United States: According to the Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc., 42% of victims of stalking are acquainted with their stalker, while 40% of victims are stalked by a current or former partner. Australia: The Australian Bureau of Statistics cited research showing that 78 per cent of women stalked by men knew their stalker. England and Wales: Safer Futures, a UK charity, estimated that as many as 45 per cent of stalking victims are stalked by ex-partners. In the UK, the most recent statistics from the Office for National Statistics showed that 1 in 5 women will be a victim of stalking at some point in their lives, highlighting the imperative for awareness and action. Stalking behaviours include unwanted repeated contact, surveillance, malicious communications, property damage, or threats. Some cases escalate to physical or sexual violence. A chilling example is the ordeal of Grace Smith in 2024. After Grace rebuffed his advances, Karl Chads launched a terrifying campaign of harassment against her. His actions included breaking into her home, stealing personal belongings, and sending her disturbing messages. Despite repeatedly reporting him to the police, their initial inaction left Grace to take matters into her own hands by installing security measures and practising self-defence. Eventually, Chads was arrested and sentenced to 13 years in prison. Grace’s courage to document evidence and seek justice shows the power of resilience. Another example is the story of an Australian woman whose ex-partner used GPS tracking devices and spyware against her. It highlights that stalkers now employ new methods. These stories emphasise the need to be proactive regarding safety and that stalking must be treated as a crime. Types of Stalkers In the 1999 article “Study of Stalkers,” Australian clinical and forensic psychology experts identified five motivational types of stalking. While each type differs, the safety advice provided later applies to them all. The Rejected Stalker: This type emerges when a close relationship ends. Victims are often former sexual intimates, but family members, close friends, or others who have rejected the stalker can also be targets. The motivation is either to reconcile or seek revenge for the perceived rejection. The Resentful Stalker: Arising from feelings of mistreatment or humiliation, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances they believe have wronged them. Their actions are often linked to severe mental illness or paranoia, with revenge or inducing fear as primary motivations. The Intimacy-Seeking Stalker: Motivated by loneliness and a lack of close relationships, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances in a delusional attempt to form an emotional connection or intimate relationship. Severe mental illness often drives their behaviour. The Incompetent Suitor: Driven by loneliness or lust, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances for a date or short-term sexual relationship rather than love. Their persistence is often brief but can be indifferent to the victim’s distress, sometimes due to poor social skills, developmental conditions, or intellectual disabilities. Effective Ways to Protect Yourself from Stalkers If you have been stalked, these actions will considerably enhance your safety: No Contact After clearly informing the stalker their attention is unwelcome, avoid all contact. Inform friends, family, and colleagues to do the same. Stalkers seek reactions, so remaining unresponsive is crucial. If unavoidable contact occurs, show no emotion and seek safety. Speak to Trusted Individuals Share your situation with those around you. This can: Prevent unintentional disclosure of your whereabouts. Involve others in documenting suspicious events. Provide emotional support. Give descriptions or pictures of the stalker and their vehicle to trusted contacts and ask them to avoid engaging with the stalker. Increase Personal Safety Changing Routines: Vary routes and schedules to make it harder to be predictable. Emergency Numbers: Store emergency numbers and teach children how to use them. Communicate Plans: Let family members know where you are going and at what time, and create check-ins. Check Devices: Ensure mobile phones and vehicles are free from tracking devices. Periodically review app settings for potential weaknesses. Readiness: Have a charged phone and a powerful torch handy. Be Vigilant If followed, stay calm and: Change direction or detour into crowded areas. Use reflective surfaces to check for followers. Move to public or CCTV-monitored places. Familiarise yourself with safe spaces along your daily routes, such as large shops, hospitals, major public buildings, or police stations. Knowing instinctivly where to go when in danger can make all the difference to your peace of mind. Secure Your Home Install alarms, door chains, peepholes, motion detectors, and cameras at doors. Don’t leave keys lying around outside. Consider locking your fuse box. Identify a “safe room” with strong doors and keep an fully charged extra phone in it. Know your neighbours to foster an increased sense of safety within the community. Safeguard Personal Information Install letterboxes with locks and shred sensitive documents. Be cautious when sharing personal details, both online and in person. Opt out of public directories and voter rolls. When using social media, avoid posting real-time updates about your location or daily routines. Adjust privacy settings to restrict access to your information. Tools like two-factor authentication add extra security to your online accounts. Document Incidents Keep a detailed log of stalking behaviours, including dates, times, and descriptions. Attach evidence such as photos, messages, or witness accounts. This documentation is critical for legal action. Consider using apps designed for personal safety, which allow discreet
Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist


The following list of warning signs of an abusive relationship are especially important if you are unsure about your date, your new relationship, or whether your current relationship has taken a worrisome turn. Of course, there are the more obvious signs of abuse, such as verbal threats and physical violence. However, many have expressed concerns or uncertainty, telling me they were unsure whether certain actions or behaviours should be considered abusive or toxic. This brief article is highlighting several warning signs of an abusive relationship. I have put this checklist together with you in mind and will attempt to highlight some of the more cunning, but equally important signs of an abusive and unhealthy relationship. Whether you’ve recently started dating, your relationship has taken a discouraging turn, or you’re noticing behaviours that feel unsettling, this article aims to provide clarity. When it comes to your safety and well-being, it’s most certainly important to err on the side of caution. It’s equally important to periodically assess both new and long-established relationships for troubling behaviours. 18 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Disregarding the Word ‘No’ This is, hands down, the number one question: does your date or partner respect your boundaries? If you say no—to a drink, to a kiss, to staying out longer, or even to something as simple as a movie or song choice—does he listen? Or does he casually override your objections, perhaps with a smile to make it seem less wrong? A man who does not take ‘no’ for an answer is not respecting your autonomy and can be displaying manipulative behaviour. This is not about manners or politeness; this is about basic respect. If he does not take ‘no’ for an answer, then walk away. Respecting boundaries is non-negotiable. Every time your ‘no’ is dismissed, it undermines your ability to feel safe and respected within the relationship. Recognise this as a red flag that may indicate further controlling behaviour in the future. Gaslighting Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation to make you question your sanity or perception. Examples: Denial of events or conversations. Accusations of overreaction on your part. Shift of blame onto you. Withholding of important information. If you find yourself constantly questioning your sanity or saying sorry for everything, then it is time to re-evaluate this relationship. Gaslighting undermines confidence and self-determination. Over time, it can make you feel dependent on the very person causing the harm as you may begin to doubt your ability to explore life independently. Typecasting Typecasting is labelling you so that you must prove the label wrong. Example: “You’re unadventurous” as a way of forcing you into doing something you don’t want to do. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Your boundaries are more important than someone else’s opinion. Giving in to this usually means you compromise your values or safety, so prioritise your comfort and decisions. Loan Sharking This involves offering unsolicited help to make you feel indebted. For example: fixing something for you and then expecting a favour in return. Healthy relationships don’t rely on transactional dynamics. Genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. Loan sharking creates a power imbalance where you feel obligated to repay favours, often at the cost of your comfort or safety. This is a tactic often used to establish control under the guise of generosity. Love Bombing Love bombing is most certainly something to watch out for on a date or at an early stage in the relationship. This is smothering you with excessive attention, gifts, or flattery with the goal of quickly gaining one’s trust and/or love. Love bombing is almost always followed by control or abuse. While it may seem flattering at first, love bombing is many times manipulative and unsustainable. It puts you in a position where you believe you need to return the excessively strong feelings of love, even if those feelings feel suffocating or untrue. Disregard for Your Privacy A healthy relationship respects your need for space. If your partner continues to invade your personal time or privacy, that could be possessiveness and a lack of boundaries. This may be in the form of going through your belongings, checking messages, and insisting on being part of everything in your life. Pressure to Commit Quickly Rushing into commitment—be that by moving in together, getting engaged, or making joint decisions in an already established relationship—is a way to cut your time short to consider the relationship critically. Take your time and trust your instincts. A partner who respects you will understand the need to move at a pace that feels right for both of you. Refusal to Apologise Everyone makes mistakes, but a partner who refuses to apologise or admit fault is not taking accountability. Most of the time, this is indicative of entitlement and an inability to empathise. A refusal to apologise does not just tear down trust; it shows complete disregard for your feelings and the well-being of the relationship. Mocking or Belittling Your Goals Is your date or partner belittling your goals, passions, or achievements? That’s a method to make you doubt your confidence to feel less competent or independent. If it keeps happening for too long, your growth will be retarded, and this will make you doubt your potentials, which again facilitates their control. A supportive partner celebrates your success and encourages the fulfilment of your potentials. Jealousy A little jealousy may seem harmless, but when excessive, it’s a red flag. Jealousy can go from an insecure display to a manipulative and controlling tool in no time. Watch out for these patterns: no good relationship is based on suspicion but rather on trust. You are constantly proving your loyalty, and this could leave you emotionally drained, detached from your support system. Warning signs include the following: Monitoring your every move. Expecting you to respond immediately to texts and calls. Controlling your social media content. Isolating you from family and friends. Blaming you for their jealousy or insecurity. Using intimidation or threats
What is Personal Safety?


Answering the question, What is personal safety?, is undoubtedly worthwhile. Personal safety represents the ability and right to live without threat or fear of psychological, emotional, or physical harm perpetrated by others. It has emerged as a key feature of human security, with great ramifications for individuals and social cohesion in general. Generally speaking, personal safety is defined in broad terms as liberty from physical harm, threat of physical harm, and liberty from hostility, aggression, and harassment. It is often expressed that personal safety is a matter of common sense, but common sense is not always translated into common practice. The disparity between the two underlines the importance of education, awareness, and strategies that are actionable to protect oneself. It also shows the need for change within society, whereby communities as a whole learn to place safety as one of the shared values. Defining Personal Safety I personally very much like the research piece titled Personal Safety on University Campuses – Defining Personal Safety Using the Delphi Method,in which Joanna Waters, Richard Neale, Sue Hutson, and Kevin Mears of the University of Glamorgan defined personal safety as “an individual’s ability to go about their everyday life free from the threat or fear of psychological, emotional, or physical harm from others.” This definition underlines not just physical safety but also emotional and psychological security, an increasingly critical consideration in modern society. Similarly, the World Health Organization identifies safety as a determinant of health and well-being. According to them “…safety is not merely the absence of violence but the presence of conditions that promote security, trust, and freedom from fear.” These perspectives provide a comprehensive framework for understanding personal safety in today’s increasingly complex and interrelated and integrated world. The Role of Situational and Environmental Awareness Personal safety pertains to situational and environmental awareness: the art of being observant and aware of one’s particular situation and environment. It allows the individual to identify any potential danger, make sound judgements, and take necessary actions to minimise the risk. It is an attitude and a skill that develops and improves with practice and learning. Principles of personal safety are: Trust your instincts: If you think something feels ‘off’—if you feel uneasy or scared, rely on your instinctive gut response. They are too often your initial defence. As Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, astutely writes, “It’s always right in at least two ways: it’s in response to something, and it has your best interest at heart.” Developing a close relationship with your intuition is essential in making timely and protective decisions. Be Aware: Be aware of your surroundings and the people in them, while projecting confidence. Know your environment and travel plans, as this knowledge can prevent becoming a victim. Know where the nearest exits are, allowing you to leave the area quickly if needed. Something as simple as walking with a purpose or maintaining steady eye contact with others can show that you are ready and aware; this can deter a potential attacker. Avoid Unnecessary Risks: Minimise your exposure to potentially dangerous situations by making thoughtful choices. For instance, choose well-lit routes, avoid isolated areas, and keep trusted individuals informed of your whereabouts. Pay attention to environmental factors such as available exits, crowded spaces, or areas with limited visibility, as these can significantly influence your ability to respond to threats. While it is impossible to eliminate all risks to personal safety, taking proactive steps to mitigate them can greatly enhance your sense of security and preparedness. Acting Under Danger: In the case of a threatening situation, try escaping instead of fighting if possible. Fighting back any aggression with aggression usually makes it escalate further and increases the likelihood of injury. You must make your objective to safely get away as fast as possible in such situations. Advance preparation and practice of confident responses can facilitate clear and assured action under the pressure of immediacy. But in those situations where there is no escape and the threat is imminent and life-threatening, one has to make surefooted and resolute action. At that moment, I want you to summon all your strength and willpower to neutralise the threat. For one brief, critical moment, allow yourself to set aside your inhibitions and moral code and use whatever force necessary to survive and create an opportunity to safely escape. For a more profound understanding of what real self-defence involves, from the legal, ethical, and practical perspectives, I invite you to my book, NEVER A VICTIM. It provides in-depth insight and strategies to help you take control of your personal safety. Incident Reporting: It is reporting even minor incidents that is a key factor in the protection of others and develops a pattern of unsafe behaviour. By sharing experiences, communities, personal safety app developers, and support organisations can build up databases of information that enable better-informed responses to future risks. Addressing Specific Challenges Some people have special problems and dangers that require specific strategies for self-protection. Statistics from around the world indicate that a significant percentage of the population, especially women, have experienced rape or sexual assault, stalking, drink spiking, or domestic abuse in their lifetime. This grim reality calls for sensitive and effective measures to help individuals lead their lives with freedom and safety. Practical Approaches to Empowerment Risk Factor Education: Understanding the dynamics of harassment, abuse, and violence as potential threats educates the individual on how such risks manifest. That is a good starting point. Practical Safety Measures: Self-defence training, personal safety apps or alarms, and mobile applications are just a few tools and mechanisms available to help one stay connected to their trusted networks in times of distress. Technology can provide real-time support and peace of mind when used thoughtfully for you and your loved ones. Community Support: It is much more than the building of support networks to share experiences and strategies. Such networks, provided through face-to-face interaction, community campaigns, or online platforms, offer