Stalking Survival Guide for Women: Expert Advice for Staying Safe
Stalking is a persistent and obsessive course of conduct that instils fear, distress, and frequently culminates in violence. Often associated with abusive relationships, it can destroy lives. Stalking is a criminal offence in many countries, yet victims frequently fail to recognise their experiences as stalking. Instead of asking, “Are you being stalked?”, questions about specific behaviours are more effective. This resource sheds light on stalking behaviours and provides real-world safety solutions. Stalking is not romantic or flattering—it is about obsession, control, and harm. Understanding Stalking The concept of a stranger lurking in the shadows is far from the truth in most cases, as most stalkers are known to their victims. Statistics reveal alarming trends: United States: According to the Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc., 42% of victims of stalking are acquainted with their stalker, while 40% of victims are stalked by a current or former partner. Australia: The Australian Bureau of Statistics cited research showing that 78 per cent of women stalked by men knew their stalker. England and Wales: Safer Futures, a UK charity, estimated that as many as 45 per cent of stalking victims are stalked by ex-partners. In the UK, the most recent statistics from the Office for National Statistics showed that 1 in 5 women will be a victim of stalking at some point in their lives, highlighting the imperative for awareness and action. Stalking behaviours include unwanted repeated contact, surveillance, malicious communications, property damage, or threats. Some cases escalate to physical or sexual violence. A chilling example is the ordeal of Grace Smith in 2024. After Grace rebuffed his advances, Karl Chads launched a terrifying campaign of harassment against her. His actions included breaking into her home, stealing personal belongings, and sending her disturbing messages. Despite repeatedly reporting him to the police, their initial inaction left Grace to take matters into her own hands by installing security measures and practising self-defence. Eventually, Chads was arrested and sentenced to 13 years in prison. Grace’s courage to document evidence and seek justice shows the power of resilience. Another example is the story of an Australian woman whose ex-partner used GPS tracking devices and spyware against her. It highlights that stalkers now employ new methods. These stories emphasise the need to be proactive regarding safety and that stalking must be treated as a crime. Types of Stalkers In the 1999 article “Study of Stalkers,” Australian clinical and forensic psychology experts identified five motivational types of stalking. While each type differs, the safety advice provided later applies to them all. The Rejected Stalker: This type emerges when a close relationship ends. Victims are often former sexual intimates, but family members, close friends, or others who have rejected the stalker can also be targets. The motivation is either to reconcile or seek revenge for the perceived rejection. The Resentful Stalker: Arising from feelings of mistreatment or humiliation, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances they believe have wronged them. Their actions are often linked to severe mental illness or paranoia, with revenge or inducing fear as primary motivations. The Intimacy-Seeking Stalker: Motivated by loneliness and a lack of close relationships, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances in a delusional attempt to form an emotional connection or intimate relationship. Severe mental illness often drives their behaviour. The Incompetent Suitor: Driven by loneliness or lust, this stalker targets strangers or acquaintances for a date or short-term sexual relationship rather than love. Their persistence is often brief but can be indifferent to the victim’s distress, sometimes due to poor social skills, developmental conditions, or intellectual disabilities. Effective Ways to Protect Yourself from Stalkers If you have been stalked, these actions will considerably enhance your safety: No Contact After clearly informing the stalker their attention is unwelcome, avoid all contact. Inform friends, family, and colleagues to do the same. Stalkers seek reactions, so remaining unresponsive is crucial. If unavoidable contact occurs, show no emotion and seek safety. Speak to Trusted Individuals Share your situation with those around you. This can: Prevent unintentional disclosure of your whereabouts. Involve others in documenting suspicious events. Provide emotional support. Give descriptions or pictures of the stalker and their vehicle to trusted contacts and ask them to avoid engaging with the stalker. Increase Personal Safety Changing Routines: Vary routes and schedules to make it harder to be predictable. Emergency Numbers: Store emergency numbers and teach children how to use them. Communicate Plans: Let family members know where you are going and at what time, and create check-ins. Check Devices: Ensure mobile phones and vehicles are free from tracking devices. Periodically review app settings for potential weaknesses. Readiness: Have a charged phone and a powerful torch handy. Be Vigilant If followed, stay calm and: Change direction or detour into crowded areas. Use reflective surfaces to check for followers. Move to public or CCTV-monitored places. Familiarise yourself with safe spaces along your daily routes, such as large shops, hospitals, major public buildings, or police stations. Knowing instinctivly where to go when in danger can make all the difference to your peace of mind. Secure Your Home Install alarms, door chains, peepholes, motion detectors, and cameras at doors. Don’t leave keys lying around outside. Consider locking your fuse box. Identify a “safe room” with strong doors and keep an fully charged extra phone in it. Know your neighbours to foster an increased sense of safety within the community. Safeguard Personal Information Install letterboxes with locks and shred sensitive documents. Be cautious when sharing personal details, both online and in person. Opt out of public directories and voter rolls. When using social media, avoid posting real-time updates about your location or daily routines. Adjust privacy settings to restrict access to your information. Tools like two-factor authentication add extra security to your online accounts. Document Incidents Keep a detailed log of stalking behaviours, including dates, times, and descriptions. Attach evidence such as photos, messages, or witness accounts. This documentation is critical for legal action. Consider using apps designed
Take Action: How You Can Help End Violence Against Women
Starting today, 2025, ask yourself this: When you come across the words Violence Against Women online, do you stop and take notice, feel interested in reading further about the subject, or simply scroll past? Many of us have become desensitised to the many harsh realities of today’s society. Senseless violence against women has dominated our social media feeds for far too long: news reports of yet another domestic homicide, widespread outrage over another femicide in the street, or campaigns pleading with the government for meaningful change. You probably know the statistics: in 2020, for instance, some 47,000 women and girls were killed by their intimate partners or other family members, according to the United Nations. That works out at a woman or girl being killed every 11 minutes by someone in her own family. Indeed, in a new report published in November 2024, they claimed a woman or girl is killed by a member of her own family every 10 minutes. Can you see beyond the numbers? For many women, these facts and figures are not revelations; they are simply painful reminders of what they have endured and the strength it took to survive. You know, violence against women is not inevitable. Women shouldn’t have to live their lives in tears at the brunt of male violence, constantly adjusting their routines to keep themselves safe, and wondering whether they can still trust the police and others who are supposed to protect them. Here’s how you personally can help end violence against women: Listen to survivors It takes a lot of strength for victim survivors to speak about their experiences. I urge everybody to approach these moments with trust, empathy, and genuine compassion. Most importantly, listen carefully. It’s not just about what someone says—it’s often about how they say it or even what remains unsaid. I also urge everybody to believe survivors. If we are not concerned by the multitude of reasons preventing so many victim survivors from coming out of the shadows, then we probably need to have a huge rethink about whether we even care about ending violence against women. One in four women will face domestic abuse in their lifetime, yet survivors’ experiences are too often dismissed, trivialised, or ignored. This failure to believe them directly endangers all women. Believing someone brave enough to share their story is a powerful act that acknowledges the depth of this crisis. Educate yourself Why was she so drunk, or why was she dressed that way, if she did not want attention?If he treated her so badly, why didn’t she leave him much earlier?Why did it take her so long to speak about the abuse? Most of us unconsciously harbour various myths and misconceptions about violence against women, which may spread a culture of normalised violence. Probably the best counter to such beliefs is educating ourselves on the issue, through paying closer attention to news, reading relevant books and conducting research, or listening to some of the great podcasts out there. Call out your friends I believe, this one is most relevant to us men. If you hear one of your friends crack a misogynistic joke that clearly indicates a toxic mindset, why not call them out on it? You don’t have to fall out about it; it can be as simple as saying, “Hey, really?” You might be surprised how effective a simple questioning of someone’s comment can be. Speak up There are many ways to speak out against violence against women, from having open conversations about the issue to sharing informative and impactful content on social media. If you discuss this subject with others and start to think someone you know is being abused, help them to realise that free and confidential support is available from several specialist support organisations in their area. Believe, support, and encourage them, offer unconditional help, and never ever judge them. Volunteer Our time has become more and more valuable, so all of us need and want to invest it wisely. If you wish to dedicate some of your time to helping, rest assured that whatever your skills or passions, there is always an opportunity to support one of the many great organisations out there. I know your support, in whatever form, will be deeply appreciated and can truly make a difference. Disengage from rape culture Rape culture, described by Rape Crisis England & Wales as a “society where sexual violence and abuse is normalise, played down, and laughed off,” pervades all parts of life. Rape culture thrives when it goes unchallenged; let’s oppose those people with highly patriarchal, toxic, and fundamentally wrong opinions and mindsets. Promote healthy relationships and better sex education It is obvious that prevention is by far the most effective way of ending violence against women and girls, and this must begin with better education surrounding sex and relationships (RSE). Many experts in this field from around the world are calling for schools and colleges to provide RSE from the age of 16 years, or even as early as 14 years. This level of education should also come from loving parents. Parents of boys should emphasise how a kind and respectful man conducts himself. Parents of girls, likewise, should highlight to their daughters what a loving and healthy relationship is all about and, importantly, what acts or behaviours by a male partner are inappropriate, alarming, or even dangerous. Fundraise You don’t need to break world records, run through deserts or the Arctic, or take part in a world-famous marathon. Nor do you need to raise millions of pounds, dollars, or euros. In many developed countries, raising just £50 can provide a woman and her child with a night’s stay in a refuge—a small act that can make a life-changing difference. Every contribution helps, and every contribution is deeply appreciated. Use social media wisely Social media is essentially a virtual cesspit full of misogynistic rubbish. While it may seem unlikely to change, there are innovative digital ‘safe’ spaces where female victims
Understanding Technology-Enabled Sexual Abuse
The internet has become a powerful tool for predators, enabling them to gather detailed information about their victims’ routines, appointments, social habits, workplaces, and vehicle registration numbers. In many cases, they even gain personal insights, such as clothing preferences, mannerisms, and specific lifestyle choices. Most of this is achieved without raising suspicion, providing perpetrators with ample time to meticulously plan hostile actions and engage in technology-enabled sexual abuse. As a result, it becomes significantly harder for victims to detect and protect themselves from the looming threat. It could be argued that eliminating this threat is impossible, but we can take steps to mitigate it. Technology-enabled abuse is a very real concern, a far cry from the dismissive view of it as a “virtual issue.” Many cases go unreported, leaving the full scale of this problem unknown. Technology-based abuse takes many forms, including online grooming, livestreamed abuse, online sexual coercion, online sex trafficking, nonconsensual sharing of explicit media, and image-based sexual abuse. Some victims experience severe emotional distress, and in extreme cases, this can tragically lead to suicide. Understanding Image-Based Sexual Abuse (IBSA) What exactly is image-based sexual abuse? IBSA refers to a broad range of abusive practices where images are used for sexual purposes without meaningful consent. This can include the creation, manipulation, theft, extortion, or threatened or actual distribution of images or videos, as well as any misuse of images or videos for exploitation. IBSA may also involve sexual violence or harassment targeting digital representations, such as avatars in virtual reality or online gaming. If you wish to gain a far greater understanding of this rather disturbing subject, please allow me to recommend an article, titled “Image-Based Sexual Abuse Perpetration: A Scoping Review,” by Nicola Hendry et al. Types of Technology-Enabled and Image Based Sexual Abuse AI-Generated Fake ContentAI-generated content includes hyper-realistic images created using artificial intelligence, depicting individuals in explicit situations that never occurred. Deepfake technology often makes these images so convincing that detecting the forgery can be nearly impossible. As AI continues to reshape perceptions of reality, digital literacy and critical thinking skills are becoming increasingly essential. If you fall victim to such abuse, these skills can help you demonstrate the forgery and, if appropriate, provide evidence to your family, social circle, professional network, or police. Here are some ways to identify AI-generated content: Visual Oddities: Look for inconsistencies in details such as lighting, facial expressions, or reflections, areas where AI still tends to struggle. Speech Patterns: If audio is involved, listen for unnatural rhythm, overly perfect speech, or a lack of natural emotion and pauses. Source Verification: Trust only reputable sources and cross-check information across reliable platforms. AI Detection Tools: Tools such as Deepware Scanner and Sensity specialise in identifying deepfake videos and other forgeries by analysing pixel inconsistencies, metadata, and digital fingerprints. Background Inconsistencies: AI often simplifies or blurs backgrounds, missing subtle contextual details. Non-Consensual Distribution of Explicit MaterialThis involves sharing or posting sexually explicit images or videos without meaningful consent, representing a severe violation of privacy and bodily autonomy that often causes lasting emotional harm. I believe it’s important to acknowledge that I fully understand the desire to exchange intimate images, particularly among younger age groups or during the early stages of a relationship. However, it’s crucial to recognise that a relationship, which might initially seem healthy and promising, can sometimes deteriorate or change dramatically. In such instances, the intimate images you once shared in trust could end up in the hands of someone who now harbours hostile intentions with a potential desire to commit acts of technology-enabled sexual abuse. For this reason, I urge everyone to be mindful and conscious of the potential risks involved. Sexual Extortion (Sextortion)Perpetrators often use sexual images to blackmail victims, demanding additional explicit content, money, sexual contact, or compliance to maintain a relationship. This ties directly to my earlier point. Be extremely cautious about who you grant access to any sexual images of yourself. Recording Sexual Violence (RSV)This refers to the recording of sexual assault or rape, often when the victim is incapacitated or drugged. The case of French rape survivor Gisèle Pelicot is a shocking example. However, it is also a greatly empowering example of a woman who bravely waved her right to anonymity so the evidence could be heard in public, and so she could repeatedly remind the world that shame must change sides, and that shame lies with their attacker, not with the victim survivor. The recordings of these acts of violence may be shared online, including on mainstream pornography sites, compounding the trauma inflicted. Video Voyeurism (VV)These actions involve secretly recording the private activities of individuals, such as dressing, urinating, and showering without their knowledge. It also involves taking pictures of body parts in private settings that happen to be in a public place, like “upskirting” or “down-blousing.” Modern technology provides perpetrators with an ever-expanding arsenal of tools to control, abuse, and threaten. Preventing or stopping IBSA is exceptionally challenging, if not impossible. Resources for Technology-Enabled Sexual Abuse For a deeper understanding of online violence against women, I recommend the study Online Violence Against Women: A Four Nations Study. Led by Professor Olga Jurasz and funded by the Open University’s Open Societal Challenges programme in 2024, it represents the first comprehensive, large-scale study of online violence against women across the UK. The study examines the scale, impact, and societal attitudes towards such abuse. The research found that most participants in England recognised image-based sexual abuse as a form of online violence against women and girls (OVAWG), with 91% identifying it as such. Other forms included text-based abuse (87%), cyberstalking (86%), cyberbullying (85%), upskirting (84%), and cyberflashing (83%). Key factors driving these offences included online anonymity, the ease of escaping accountability, and the widespread sexualisation of women and girls. I have explored the subject of Technology-Enabled Abuse and many more related subjects in my book, NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety. I strongly encourage you to develop at least a basic understanding of this issue, as I believe it will play an increasingly significant role in the personal safety of women in the future. And whatever you do, and whereever you
Steps Women Should Take When Feeling Threatened or Unsafe
You might find yourself asking, “What can I do to stay safe when feeling threatened and unsafe?” Feeling threatened or unsafe can be a highly uncomfortable and stressful experience that affects you mentally, emotionally, and physically. You may feel afraid, confused, angry, or even blame yourself for being in that situation. However, what counts is your response. You must take back control. Understanding the Nature of Threats Threats come in many forms, and understanding their nature is essential to responding effectively. Each type requires a different approach, but the ultimate objective remains the same: protecting yourself. Broadly, threats can be categorised as: Immediate Threats: Urgent, violent situations where your safety is at risk, such as someone directly confronting you. Non-Immediate Threats: Situations that feel less urgent but are equally harmful, like receiving threatening messages or being blackmailed. Staying Safe When Dealing with Immediate Threats When there is an immediate threat, meaning someone is threatening you with violence (with or without a weapon), your personal safety needs to be the number one concern. Here’s how to respond: Stay calm: I fully understand how difficult it is to remain calm, but it is crucial. Fear clouds judgment, so do what I believe is the most important thing in such a moment: take a deep breath, as that will help you to focus on thinking clearly about what exactly is going on. You want to understand the precise threat i.e. distance between you and the threat, weapons being present or not, bystanders who might be able/willing to help, possible escape routes, the physical actions you wish to take to neutralise the threat. Escape if possible: Quickly scan your surroundings. Look for exits or safe places. Leaving the area safely is always preferable to physical confrontation. De-escalate if necessary: If escape isn’t immediately possible, try to calm the situation. Speak in a calm, neutral tone, avoid making provocative statements, and set clear boundaries without being confrontational. Subject to the type of threat, the person’s motive and your relationship to him etc., this might work or not. Defend yourself if needed: As a last resort, protect yourself using a simple self-defence technique. In certain situations, this may involve a powerful and violent ‘hammer fist strike’ or a palm heel strike against the attacker’s neck or throat. If you are very close to your attacker use your teeth and viciously bite him in his face as hard as you can, or grind yor thumb into one of his eyes. You might also aim to break one of your assailant’s fingers or other fragile bones. Defend yourself with any means necessary, using all the energy, force, and power you can summon. Avoid responding with a half-hearted defence. Trust your instincts and act decisively. For a comprehensive list of non-lethal and self-defence techniques, refer to my book NEVER A VICTIM. Document the incident: Once safe, record as much information as possible. This should include details about the individual, the location, any potential injuries sustained, and a clear account of what occurred. This will be invaluable when reporting the incident. Report to authorities: Call the police right away. If you believe you are in grave danger, make this clear and share all the evidence and information you have been able to memorise or compile. Staying Safe When Handling Non-Immediate Threats Non-immediate threats, though less urgent, can be just as troubling. These could include threatening messages, harassment, or blackmail. Here’s how to approach these situations: Assess credibility: Is the threat realistic? Does the person have the ability and intent to follow through? When in doubt, always err on the side of caution and treat it as credible. Document everything: Save emails, texts, social media posts, and other forms of communication. Screenshots and written notes can provide critical evidence. Inform people you trust: Let a friend, family member, or colleague know what is happening. You do not have to face this by yourself. Direct communication (if safe): If you know who is making the threat and it’s safe for you to do so, consider talking to the person about the issue. Ideally, have the conversation in a public place and ensure another person is nearby for added safety. Sometimes, open communication can help resolve a misunderstanding. Engage the police: Threats, even indirect ones, are considered illegal. Consider calling the police, as it yet another step toward protecting yourself. Stay Aware and Alert The environment will play a critical role in your safety when a threatening situation arises. Know your environment: Are there any exits? Are there CCTV installed? Can onlookers or passers-by help you? Seek public spaces: If you feel unsafe, move to well-lit, populated areas. Public visibility often deters aggressors. Engage bystanders: Don’t hesitate to ask others for help. Most people are willing to assist when they see someone in distress, but please communicate your need for help clearly, and tell any bystander what you would like them to do. Taking Action After the Incident Once the immediate danger has passed, focus on protecting yourself from further harm and processing the experience: Know your legal protection options: These may include actions such as filing for protective orders or pressing charges against perpetrators. Seek emotional support: Do not underestimate the emotional impact and trauma of a threat or violence. Confide in friends, family, or other support groups, and talk to a mental health expert if necessary. Coping with Blackmail or Manipulation Blackmail is a non-violent threat that may lead to feelings of extreme distress. Remain calm: Never make a rash decision; instead, take some time to reflect on your next move, and discuss the matter with others your trust. Don’t give in: Only comply if that is the safest thing for you to do. Consider other ways out, like taking legal advice, consulting an expert in this field, or going to the police first. Document and report: Gather evidence and bring it to the police’s attention. Blackmail is against the law, and you don’t have to put
About my future women’s safety blogs
First and foremost, I want to thank you for visiting my website and women’s safety blogs. Let me make one thing clear from the outset: No woman deserves to experience physical or sexual violence, regardless of her attire, level of intoxication, or demeanour. Violence against women is unequivocally unacceptable. My future blogs will leave no doubt about my stance on this issue. Throughout 2024, The Guardian newspaper aims to report on every woman allegedly killed by a man, drawing on the work of campaigns such as Counting Dead Women, the Femicide Census, and Killed Women. As of today (13 August 2024), 50 women’s deaths have led to a man being charged. A survey conducted by “Killed Women,” a UK-based organisation and network of families of women killed by men, revealed some harrowing findings: 67% of families believe the killing of their loved one was preventable. This definitive guide to women’s safety aims to help prevent both physical and sexual violence. Violence against women demands our full attention, particularly given that, in 2023 alone, police recorded 68,387 rapes in England and Wales. According to a national study conducted for police chiefs, Sir Mark Rowley, head of London’s Metropolitan Police Service, stated in June 2024 that there are up to 4 million perpetrators of violence against women and children in the UK. Other data shows that there are more than 1 million domestic violence incidents and crimes each year, 800,000 women become victims of sexual assault annually, and over 90% of those committing these crimes are male. A 2018 study by researchers from Glasgow University, involving almost 1,000 rape survivors, found that more than 90% of rape and sexual assault victims knew their attacker. These statistics and critical insights into these crimes and their most likely perpetrators are reflected in the content and advice you will find in my future blogs and forthcoming book, “NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety.” This truly comprehensive guide contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words and numerous safety recommendations aiming to enhance your personal security. Some of these recommendations may feel restrictive to your freedom. Women’s safety can indeed be limiting, sometimes preventing you from doing exactly what you want. Unfortunately, this is an unavoidable reality that I cannot change. You will need to find a balance between enjoying your freedom and ensuring your safety. This may involve doing things differently from your preferred way or altering certain behaviours and habits altogether. If you feel it is unfair and wrong that women must be cautious, careful, and conscious of their actions—limiting what, when, and how they do things—I wholeheartedly agree with you. It is not women who should have to change and adapt to a world where sexual abuse and physical violence have become too common. Although there are many good men out there, it is men who need to rethink their attitudes and behaviours. Of course, it would be ideal if men behaved differently—much differently at times. It would be good, right, and just if the world were a place where the entire contents of my future blogs were unnecessary and irrelevant. But sadly, today, that is not the case. This is why, through my future blogs, I aim to empower you, offer encouragement, and help you live a safer life. Articles such as Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship will offer you and other readers the chance to identify risks and threats to your safety early. Thank you for visiting my women’s safety blogs. – Robert Kaiser –