Womens Safety

The UK’s Latest Sexual Harassment Law & How It Protects You

Sexual Harassment and the Worker Protection Act 2023

Sexual harassment remains a significant issue, affecting countless women in workplaces, public spaces, and online. If you are currently experiencing or worried about sexual harassment, it is essential to understand your rights and the legal protections available to you. Recent changes to UK law have strengthened protections against sexual harassment, ensuring that employers are now legally required to take proactive measures to prevent it. Knowing how the law defines sexual harassment and what steps you can take to protect yourself can be incredibly empowering. You are not alone, and there are clear legal pathways to ensure your safety and hold perpetrators accountable. What is sexual harassment? Sexual harassment is a form of unlawful discrimination defined under the Equality Act 2010. It refers to unwanted conduct of a sexual nature that violates an individual’s dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating, or offensive environment. This can include: Verbal harassment – such as inappropriate sexual remarks, comments about your appearance, or unwanted sexual advances. Non-verbal harassment – such as sexually suggestive gestures, whistling, or inappropriate sharing of sexual content. Physical harassment – including unwanted touching, groping, or any form of physical intimidation. The key factor in determining whether behaviour constitutes harassment is how it is perceived by the person experiencing it. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, threatened, or degraded, it may be considered harassment under the law. What Has Changed in UK Law? The Worker Protection (Amendment of Equality Act 2010) Act 2023 came into force on 26 October 2024. This landmark change strengthens protections by placing a new legal duty on employers to take reasonable steps to prevent sexual harassment in the workplace. Key changes include: Proactive employer responsibility: Employers must actively prevent sexual harassment rather than just responding to complaints. If they fail to do so, they could face legal consequences. Increased compensation:  If an employer is found to have failed in their duty to prevent sexual harassment, any compensation awarded in an employment tribunal can now be increased by up to 25%. Holding employers accountable: Employers are now responsible not only for harassment by colleagues but also by clients, customers, and contractors, ensuring safer workplaces for all employees. The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) has also updated its guidance, urging organisations to identify risks and take preventative measures rather than waiting for incidents to occur. This marks a significant shift in how sexual harassment must be handled within UK workplaces. Baroness Kishwer Falkner, Chair of the EHRC, reinforced this by stating: “Sexual harassment remains widespread and often under-reported. Employers must take active steps to protect their staff from such behaviour.” Similarly, employment law expert Lucy Lewis highlighted the significance of this cultural shift: “The new duty represents a significant shift in culture. Executives can no longer take a ‘helicopter overview’ of the risks and remain removed from operational details.” Why ‘Consent’ Matters Understanding consent is essential because many forms of harassment involve a disregard for personal boundaries and an assumption of entitlement over another person’s body or space. I have written extensively about consent, its legal definitions, and why it is crucial for women’s safety in my blog Consent: The Line that Separates Sex From Rape and Sexual Violence. In short, consent means agreeing freely and willingly to an action, without coercion, pressure, or fear. However, I invite you to read the full article for more in-depth information and clarification on this crucial aspect of women’s personal safety. What Can You Do if You Are Facing Sexual Harassment? If you are experiencing sexual harassment, you do not have to endure it alone. The law is designed to protect you, and there are clear steps you can take: Document everything. Keep a record of every incident, including dates, times, locations, and any witnesses. Save messages, emails, or any evidence that could support your case. Speak to someone you trust. Talk to a friend, family member, or colleague for support. Seeking external advice can help you feel empowered to take action. Report the behaviour. If the harassment occurs in the workplace, report it to your employer or HR department. Your employer is now legally required to take action to prevent harassment and investigate any reported incident of sexual harassment. Seek professional support. Women’s rights, or women’s support organisations, legal services, and Citizens Advice can provide guidance on your next steps and offer confidential legal advice. Take legal action if necessary. If your employer fails to address the harassment, you have the right to file a claim in an employment tribunal. A legal expert can help you navigate this process to hold those responsible to account. It is crucial to know that you are not powerless. The law is evolving to better protect women, ensuring that sexual harassment is no longer ignored or dismissed. For further women’s safety advice, covering a multitude of subjects, please read my book NEVER A VICTIM, the most comprehensive guide to women’s safety published to date. And whatever you do and where you are, trust your instincts.

The Best Safety Tips for Female Students Starting College or University

best safety tips for female students starting college or university

Starting college or university is an exciting milestone, filled with new opportunities and the promise of independence. However, for many young women and female students, this transition can also bring anxiety, particularly with stories of campus-related dangers circulating in the media. While colleges and universities are generally safe environments, it’s essential to equip yourself with knowledge and strategies to stay safe. This article offers practical personal safety tips for female students and also their parents, blending helpful insights from leading safety organisations with relevant statistics from the UK, USA, and Australia: USA: According to RAINN (the largest anti-sexual violence organisation in the United States), female students are at a particularly high risk, with 26.4% of undergraduate women reporting some form of sexual assault during their college years. UK: A 2023 survey by Revolt Sexual Assault found that 62% of UK university students and recent graduates experienced sexual violence during their studies, and only 10% reported these incidents to their institutions. Australia: The Australian Human Rights Commission’s 2021 report revealed that 1 in 6 students were sexually harassed in a university setting, with 1 in 20 experiencing sexual assault. While these statistics can be a little daunting, they highlight the importance of proactive safety measures and open conversations about personal safety for female students. Personal Safety for Female Students Starts With Awareness Your situational and environmental awareness is arguably your most powerful tool for personal safety. Being mindful of your surroundings, recognising how situations and conditions can change (sometimes within a single second), understanding potential risks, and knowing how to respond can significantly reduce your chances of becoming a victim of physical or sexual crime. In addition to staying aware, the following recommendations are well worth your attention: Trust Your Instincts Your intuition is your first line of defence. If a situation feels off, trust your intuition, your instinct, your gut feeling, and remove yourself from it. Whether it’s declining an invitation that doesn’t feel right, stepping away from a conversation that makes you uncomfortable, or leaving a location that simply has the wrong vibe, listening to your instincts, your gut feeling, is absolutely vital. Know Your Surroundings Familiarise yourself with campus layouts, including emergency exits, security offices, well-lit areas, and any other safe spaces. Universities often have safety maps highlighting blue-light emergency phones and CCTV-monitored zones. Make it a habit to plan your route when walking late at night and stick to well-lit and well-trafficked areas. Understand Consent and Boundaries Consent is a crucial topic for all students. In my book “NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety” I make it very clear what consent in above context means: “What distinguishes consensual sex or gestures of affection from sexual assault is consent. Sexual consent is a free, voluntary, and informed agreement between you and another person to participate in a sexual act. It must be clearly and freely communicated. Remember, you cannot give consent if you are underage, intoxicated, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. If you find yourself agreeing to an activity under pressure, intimidation, or threat, that is not true consent because it was not given freely. Be aware that unequal power dynamics, such as those between you and an employer or teacher, also invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in these situations. Consent is all about clear communication, and you have the right to withdraw it at any point if you feel uncomfortable. While verbally withdrawing your consent can sometimes be challenging, you can also use non-verbal cues, such as showing discomfort, to withdraw your consent.” Parents should ensure their daughters understand the importance of clear boundaries in personal and social interactions. Universities often host workshops and resources on this subject, which can be valuable for students. Practical Tips for Staying Safe at College or University Buddy Systems and Check-Ins Establish a “buddy system” with friends. Whether attending a party, heading home from the library, or going for a jog, having someone who knows your whereabouts can be a lifesaver. Regular check-ins via text or a quick phone call can provide peace of mind. Smart Use of Technology Technology can be both a risk and a safety tool. On the positive side: Use campus safety apps or any reputable personal safety apps, which allows you to easily and quickly share your location with trusted contacts or alert authorities in an emergency. Enable location-sharing features with close friends or family on apps like WhatsApp, Find My iPhone, or Google Maps. Be cautious about oversharing personal information on social media, which could expose your location or routine to the wrong audience. Again, technology has enabled us to communicate easier with each other and quickly call for help, however, I urge you to read my article on ‘technology-enabled abuse’, preventing you from falling victim to any related criminal offences, or, find effective solution in case you are currently experiencing such abuse.   Alcohol Awareness Alcohol is regretably often a factor in campus assaults. If drinking, try and pace yourself and know your limits. Don’t allow others to bully you into excessive drinking, and be aware that some might use manipulative tactics such as repeatedely offering you a free drink or extra shot. And we all will know by now, never leave your drink unattended, and if possible, opt for pre-opened or bottled beverages, or purchase one of these effective, versatile, drink covers/protectors. Stick with friends and look out for each other in all social settings. For more in-depth advice on drink spiking and alcohol awareness please visit the UK’s Drinkaware website. However, I will be writing a dedicated article about this subject shortly — so, please visit my blog again soon. Make Use of Campus Resources Many colleges and universities offer several useful resources such as: Campus Security: Most institutions have security teams available 24/7 to escort students or respond to incidents. Counselling Services: For emotional support, counselling services can provide a safe space to talk about fears or incidents. Sexual Abuse,

Practical Ways to Help a Friend Escape An Abusive Relationship Safely

Helping a friend to leave an abusive relationship safely

When someone close to you finds themselves in the clutches of an abusive relationship, the urge can be really overwhelming to help. You might feel helpless, torn, or even afraid your intervention may accidentally make things worse. Helping a friend through this terrifying ordeal is not just an act of kindness, but one that offers you an opportunity to guide them toward rebuilding their life in safety. The following are practical ways you can help a loved one to escape an abusive relationship safely. Understanding the Dynamics of an Abusive Relationship Before trying to help, it’s important to understand the dynamics of abusive relationships. By now, most of us know that domestic abuse is not limited to physical violence; it can include emotional manipulation, financial control, sexual coercion, and psychological intimidation. Many victims stay in an abusive relationship because leaving often feels even more dangerous and frightening than staying. They may fear losing their home, the impact on their children, or the financial and legal battles ahead. Others may fear the potential physical repercussions and ongoing threats. Our shared priority must be to empower these women to stay in their own homes, maintain their surroundings, and live in a way that encourages stability. Instead of disrupting the lives of these women, our efforts must focus directly on the abusing partner-through legal intervention, investigation, and prosecution if necessary. In this way, the victim’s home will once again become a safe and peaceful place. Several international studies and research, such as by the Australia, the Staying Home Leaving Violence (SHLV) Program exemplify the approach of enabling women to remain safely in their homes. This is just one of many international initiative focuses on removing the perpetrator and providing support services to the victim, thereby maintaining stability for women and their children. The program’s objective is to prevent homelessness by ensuring that women can stay in their own homes, preserving their community ties and support networks. However, this is often not possible, therefore please note the following guidance and recommendations: Listen Without Judgment The most important thing one can do to help a person in an abusive relationship is to listen without judgment. When a friend or loved one opens up to you, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or even critique their decisions; instead, create a space where they feel really heard and supported. Reassure them with words like, “I’m here for you, no matter what,” “It’s not your fault,” or “I believe you.” They may not be ready to take action right away, and that’s absolutely okay. Building trust and providing unwavering support is vital in laying the groundwork for their next steps. Focus on Safety First Safety must always be the top priority, both during the relationship and if, or when, your friend is planning to escape or leave. Encourage your loved one to develop a practical safety plan. This might include identifying safe areas in their home with easy exits and no weapons, packing an emergency bag with essentials like identification, money, keys, medications, and documents, or establishing a discreet code word to signal they’re in danger. In fact, I have written an article specifically about this subject, and I kindly invite you to read it: Your Emergency Bag Packlist for Leaving an Abusive Relationship. Advise them to document any evidence regarding abuse, which can be in the form of photos of injuries, threatening messages, or even detailed journal entries that might come in handy if legal action is taken. Let them know this is not to force them out of their homes but to ensure they are safe while determining what’s next. Empower Them to Decide The urge to take over might feel like a formidable temptation. However, your friend needs to know that they have a choice. Victims of abuse often feel very powerless in their lives, and even the most well-intentioned interventions can reinforce this feeling. Instead of telling them what they should do, provide resources, information, and options, and let them decide what feels right for them. Empowering survivors of domestic abuse to make their own decisions is crucial for their recovery and autonomy. Psychology Today emphasises that “we must empower the victims of abuse to leave without worsening their plight if they stay,” highlighting the importance of supporting survivors’ choices. You might offer to go with them to the police, lawyer, or support organisation, or ask what step feels most urgent for them right now. This not only empowers them to feel confident but also affirms their capability in taking back control of their life. Encourage Professional Support While your support is invaluable, please be aware that many situations require professional help to get out of such, sometimes very complex, difficulties. Encourage your friend to contact domestic abuse hotlines, shelters, counselling, or lawyers with whom she trusts. Offer to aid in making such connections or to accompany your friend to appointments if this will make her comfortable. Professional help offers the skills and knowledge to approach the many problems that accompany a person leaving the abusive relationship. Target the Abusive Partner A necessary turn in addressing domestic abuse is a shift toward perpetrator accountability. It needs to be the abuser who faces disruption, consequences, and removal, not the victim. Encourage your friend to seek protective measures such as restraining orders or non-molestation orders that may prevent the abuser from coming near them or contacting them. Advocate for due investigation, arrest, and prosecution when appropriate. Society really must change the question: from “Why doesn’t she leave?” to “Why isn’t he stopped?” We need to address the perpetrator, and by doing so, we empower the victim and ensure their right to safety within her own home. Rebuild the concept of a home being a safe space, a sanctuary, not a place of fear. You can also help your friend retake their space by helping with practical security measures, such as changing the locks, installing cameras, or adding an alarm system. Proactively getting the police

Empowering Conversations: How to Guide Your Teenage Daughter on Safety, Consent, and Boundaries

Teaching Daughter About Safety, Consent, and Boundaries

Have an open and honest conversation about safety, consent, and healthy boundaries in the context of relationships, sex, and general adolescent development. That way they are much better understood. Parents should provide an environment that empowers young women to independently make choices while building their confidence. I know that discussions of such sensitive topics are not always very easy to start. Parents have to approach such conversations with a great level of empathy: listen to their daughters without immediate criticism or interruptions. Such openness allows teenagers to be more open with their thoughts, knowing that their viewpoints are valued. Using real-life scenarios, appropriate media, or a current event can be great ways to open a conversation. For instance, discussing a film or news story about someone going through relationship problems helps to normalise the topic and make it relatable. Consent and Boundaries Daughters should be taught the principle of mutual agreement in all relationships. Consent is not the absence of a “no”; consent is the presence of an enthusiastic “yes.” The daughter should be advised that this also applies to physical relationships, let alone other life aspects. As stated by RAINN, the largest anti-sexual violence organisation in the US, “consent is about communication, and it must be given without coercion, pressure, or manipulation.” This view emphasises the recognition of both verbal and non-verbal cues in relationships. I have delved into the subject of ‘consent’ in my blog: ‘Consent’ — Separating Sex from Rape, Sexual Assault, and Abuse. Encourage your daughter to appreciate that others’ boundaries are important too, just as she has a right to her own. Engage her in role-playing on situations where she may want to say no, or even in scenarios where she feels she may want to. She should be told that saying no is okay, even when it might appear easier to say yes, if it were something that would make her uncomfortable. Technology and Safety In today’s world, technology can be a great ally in personal safety, but at the same time, it presents its challenges. Parents should teach daughters online safety, like recognising red flags when someone asks for private information or sends inappropriate messages. Encourage the use of safety apps that let teenagers quickly alert trusted contacts if they don’t feel safe. Discuss with them the possible risks of oversharing on social media platforms and how important privacy settings are. Meanwhile, make sure your daughter knows she can always come to you with any concerns regarding online interactions without receiving any sort of punishment or judgement. Keeping the lines of communication open about digital safety is critical. Recognising Manipulative Behaviours An important part of looking after your daughter’s well-being is teaching her how to recognise manipulation in others. Explain common methods, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or the isolation of an individual from their support network. Role-play different scenarios that might help her identify these behaviours and practise active responses. As psychologist Dr Lisa Damour, an expert in adolescent development, explains in her book Untangled, teenagers are often testing the boundaries as they learn about independence. Parents should strike a balance between guidance and allowing daughters to learn from safe, controlled experiences. This empowers them to trust their instincts and develop critical thinking skills. Building Self-Confidence and Resilience Confidence is a protective factor against manipulation and exploitation. Encourage your daughter in activities that will help her build self-esteem, be it through sports, the arts, volunteering, or attending to hobbies she is interested in. Praise her achievements and efforts; focus on character and strengths, not appearance. Building resilience also means teaching her to view setbacks constructively. You may want to share stories from your own life where you overcame challenges. Also, remind her that mistakes are part of growth. Resilience will help her face challenging situations with grace and determination. The Importance of Friends Friends have a huge influence on the perception and choices of teenagers. Encourage your daughter to form healthy, supportive friendships. Discuss toxic relationships, be they romantic or platonic, and how to identify them, with a mutual respect basis. Teach her to be an upstander, not a bystander. Empower her to speak out against bullying, harassment, or unsafe behaviours. Not only will it reinforce her values, but it also helps her develop skills in self- and peer advocacy. Empowerment through Education Knowledge is the key to empowerment and safety. Inform her with the following practical tips: She should trust her instincts. If something feels bad, it probably is. Be aware of the environment, wherever she may be, especially new environments. Let a trusted friend or family member know her plans. Know where to get help if in danger, whether calling a helpline, contacting a trusted adult, or using resources in the community. One of the most empowering things a parent can do is acknowledge that dangers exist but reassure their daughter that she is capable of navigating the world safely with the right tools and mindset. When Things Go Wrong: Providing Support Notwithstanding all precautions, nobody is protected from bad experiences. Make your daughter understand that in case something goes wrong, she will always have your unconditional support. Reassure her that she will never be blamed for what happened to her and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Laying the Foundation for a Lifetime of Safety By having these conversations now, you are giving your daughter the tools she will carry for life. You’re teaching her not just how to stay safe but also how to stand up for herself and others. The lessons you instil today will guide her in forming healthy relationships and making smart choices as she grows into adulthood. Subject to the age and maturity of your daughter, you may wish to discuss the content of my article: Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist For wider information on women’s safety and consent, including detailed advice for parents, I recommend referring to my book entitled NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide

Rapists: Often Familiar Faces and Rarely Strangers

Rapists: Often Familiar Faces and Rarely Strangers

The mask of the stranger lurking in the shadows has long dominated narratives of societal perception about rape. This image is portrayed in media, cautionary tales, and even professional safety campaigns. But how real is this? Research and statistics strongly support that rapists are usually not strangers, but individuals known to the victim survivor. My article explores the evidence, the reasons behind this reality, and the societal implications of this misunderstood truth. Breaking the Myth: Rapists Are Rarely Strangers RAINN, the largest nonprofit anti-sexual assault organisation in the USA, reports that 39% of sexual assaults in the United States are committed by acquaintances, and 33% by current or former intimate partners. The US based National Sexual Violence Resource Centre reports that more than half (51.1%) of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance. These statistics provide evidence of one troubling fact: most rapists are people whom the victim knows and may even be very close to. This has also been evidenced globally: It has been estimated that over 90% of all rapes and sexual assaults involve victims who knew their attacker, according to a study conducted by Scottish University of Glasgow. These statistics further confute the traditional narrative of “stranger danger” and instead point to the proximity of danger within everyday relationships. This perpetuates the dangerous myth that rape is mainly a crime committed by strangers, providing people a false sense of security and promoting negative stereotypes. A well respected colleague of mine (a pain, stress, and trauma psychologist) once said to me: “By focusing on strangers, we don’t prepare individuals to deal with the actual risks, which come from people known to them.” Why Familiarity Increases Vulnerability The fact that most rapists are known to their victims provides an added layer of familiarity that supplies the rapist with victim specific information, trust, and access. Attackers who are within the social networks of the victim (through friendship, family, or intimate partnership), use proximity to their advantage in subtle, exploitative ways that might blur boundaries, lowering the victim’s defences. Perhaps one of the most harrowing examples of this dynamic is the case of Dominique Pelicot, highlighted in all news outlets around the world. A trusted family member, Pelicot used his position as trusted husband to become one of history’s most prolific sexual predators. This abuse often went undetected because of broad societal assumptions that family members or acquaintances are inherently safe. Familiarity also allows for psychological manipulation, often referred to as grooming. Grooming involves gaining the trust and dependence of the victim before exploitation. This is particularly common when there is a young or vulnerable victim. Perpetrators use subtle methods to desensitise their victims to inappropriate behaviour, making it more difficult for them to identify the abuse or report it. Victims often report feeling trapped or confused, unsure if what they are experiencing actually constitutes abuse. The Role of Misconceptions and Victim Blaming When the perpetrator is a familiar face, societal reactions can become more complicated. Victims often face additional layers of victim-blaming. Questions like “Why didn’t you leave?” or “How could you not see the signs?” shift the focus from the perpetrator’s actions to the victim’s perceived shortcomings. This kind of blame not only retraumatises victims but also creates an environment in which future survivors feel discouraged from seeking help. Moreover, the fear of destroying relationships or facing social repercussions keeps many victims silent. According to RAINN, two out of three sexual assaults go unreported, often due to fear of not being believed or fear of retaliation. When the rapist is a family member, intimate partner, or close acquaintance, the stakes are even higher. The emotional and social ties to the perpetrator can make the decision to report extraordinarily complex. This societal tendency to doubt the victim when the attacker is known to them not only discourages reporting but also perpetuates the cycle of abuse. Survivors have to navigate a justice system and a society that all too often protects the reputation of the perpetrator over the well-being of the victim. The stigma of such cases leaves victims in isolation, which worsens their trauma and makes recovery harder. Shifting the Narrative: Addressing and changing the misconceptions about sexual violence will better protect individuals and support survivors. Public education campaigns must work to erase the myth of “stranger danger” and build a reality-based understanding in its place. Understanding that most rapes involve perpetrators known to the victim will effectively inform people about the nature of the threat and may help them recognise warning signs. Educators at all levels, religious leaders, and media representatives all have a role to play in changing public perception about these crimes. Equally important is the support of victims. Support groups provide resources and safe spaces for survivors. These organisations not only provide support but also help educate communities about the dynamics of sexual violence. Legal frameworks also need to evolve to deal more effectively with the complexities of cases involving known perpetrators. For example, a number of jurisdictions are broadening their definitions of consent and grooming to include the power dynamics common in these cases. Law enforcement and judicial systems should make victim-centred approaches a priority to encourage reporting and aid recovery. Community-based initiatives can also provide support. Encouraging bystander intervention and increasing awareness about tactics used to groom can empower individuals to act when they suspect abuse. Programmes in schools, workplaces, and communities should place the onus on the offender rather than the victim. These programmes should emphasise the importance of trust and highlight red flags that might indicate grooming or predatory behaviour. By creating environments in which individuals feel empowered to act, society can begin to break the cycle of abuse. The fact that rapists are more often people known to victim survivors, their friends, work colleagues, neighbours, family members, and intimate partners, isn’t a comfortable truth to confront, but regrettably it is an evidence-based reality. Recognising this truth is crucial to empowering individuals,

Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist

Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

The following list of warning signs of an abusive relationship are especially important if you are unsure about your date, your new relationship, or whether your current relationship has taken a worrisome turn. Of course, there are the more obvious signs of abuse, such as verbal threats and physical violence. However, many have expressed concerns or uncertainty, telling me they were unsure whether certain actions or behaviours should be considered abusive or toxic. This brief article is highlighting several warning signs of an abusive relationship. I have put this checklist together with you in mind and will attempt to highlight some of the more cunning, but equally important signs of an abusive and unhealthy relationship. Whether you’ve recently started dating, your relationship has taken a discouraging turn, or you’re noticing behaviours that feel unsettling, this article aims to provide clarity. When it comes to your safety and well-being, it’s most certainly important to err on the side of caution. It’s equally important to periodically assess both new and long-established relationships for troubling behaviours. 18 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Disregarding the Word ‘No’ This is, hands down, the number one question: does your date or partner respect your boundaries? If you say no—to a drink, to a kiss, to staying out longer, or even to something as simple as a movie or song choice—does he listen? Or does he casually override your objections, perhaps with a smile to make it seem less wrong? A man who does not take ‘no’ for an answer is not respecting your autonomy and can be displaying manipulative behaviour. This is not about manners or politeness; this is about basic respect. If he does not take ‘no’ for an answer, then walk away. Respecting boundaries is non-negotiable. Every time your ‘no’ is dismissed, it undermines your ability to feel safe and respected within the relationship. Recognise this as a red flag that may indicate further controlling behaviour in the future. Gaslighting Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation to make you question your sanity or perception. Examples: Denial of events or conversations. Accusations of overreaction on your part. Shift of blame onto you. Withholding of important information. If you find yourself constantly questioning your sanity or saying sorry for everything, then it is time to re-evaluate this relationship. Gaslighting undermines confidence and self-determination. Over time, it can make you feel dependent on the very person causing the harm as you may begin to doubt your ability to explore life independently. Typecasting Typecasting is labelling you so that you must prove the label wrong. Example: “You’re unadventurous” as a way of forcing you into doing something you don’t want to do. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Your boundaries are more important than someone else’s opinion. Giving in to this usually means you compromise your values or safety, so prioritise your comfort and decisions. Loan Sharking This involves offering unsolicited help to make you feel indebted. For example: fixing something for you and then expecting a favour in return. Healthy relationships don’t rely on transactional dynamics. Genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. Loan sharking creates a power imbalance where you feel obligated to repay favours, often at the cost of your comfort or safety. This is a tactic often used to establish control under the guise of generosity. Love Bombing Love bombing is most certainly something to watch out for on a date or at an early stage in the relationship. This is smothering you with excessive attention, gifts, or flattery with the goal of quickly gaining one’s trust and/or love. Love bombing is almost always followed by control or abuse. While it may seem flattering at first, love bombing is many times manipulative and unsustainable. It puts you in a position where you believe you need to return the excessively strong feelings of love, even if those feelings feel suffocating or untrue. Disregard for Your Privacy A healthy relationship respects your need for space. If your partner continues to invade your personal time or privacy, that could be possessiveness and a lack of boundaries. This may be in the form of going through your belongings, checking messages, and insisting on being part of everything in your life. Pressure to Commit Quickly Rushing into commitment—be that by moving in together, getting engaged, or making joint decisions in an already established relationship—is a way to cut your time short to consider the relationship critically. Take your time and trust your instincts. A partner who respects you will understand the need to move at a pace that feels right for both of you. Refusal to Apologise Everyone makes mistakes, but a partner who refuses to apologise or admit fault is not taking accountability. Most of the time, this is indicative of entitlement and an inability to empathise. A refusal to apologise does not just tear down trust; it shows complete disregard for your feelings and the well-being of the relationship. Mocking or Belittling Your Goals Is your date or partner belittling your goals, passions, or achievements? That’s a method to make you doubt your confidence to feel less competent or independent. If it keeps happening for too long, your growth will be retarded, and this will make you doubt your potentials, which again facilitates their control. A supportive partner celebrates your success and encourages the fulfilment of your potentials. Jealousy A little jealousy may seem harmless, but when excessive, it’s a red flag. Jealousy can go from an insecure display to a manipulative and controlling tool in no time. Watch out for these patterns: no good relationship is based on suspicion but rather on trust. You are constantly proving your loyalty, and this could leave you emotionally drained, detached from your support system. Warning signs include the following: Monitoring your every move. Expecting you to respond immediately to texts and calls. Controlling your social media content. Isolating you from family and friends. Blaming you for their jealousy or insecurity. Using intimidation or threats

What is Personal Safety?

what is personal safety for women

Answering the question, What is personal safety?, is undoubtedly worthwhile. Personal safety represents the ability and right to live without threat or fear of psychological, emotional, or physical harm perpetrated by others. It has emerged as a key feature of human security, with great ramifications for individuals and social cohesion in general. Generally speaking, personal safety is defined in broad terms as liberty from physical harm, threat of physical harm, and liberty from hostility, aggression, and harassment. It is often expressed that personal safety is a matter of common sense, but common sense is not always translated into common practice. The disparity between the two underlines the importance of education, awareness, and strategies that are actionable to protect oneself. It also shows the need for change within society, whereby communities as a whole learn to place safety as one of the shared values. Defining Personal Safety I personally very much like the research piece titled Personal Safety on University Campuses – Defining Personal Safety Using the Delphi Method,in which Joanna Waters, Richard Neale, Sue Hutson, and Kevin Mears of the University of Glamorgan defined personal safety as “an individual’s ability to go about their everyday life free from the threat or fear of psychological, emotional, or physical harm from others.” This definition underlines not just physical safety but also emotional and psychological security, an increasingly critical consideration in modern society. Similarly, the World Health Organization identifies safety as a determinant of health and well-being. According to them “…safety is not merely the absence of violence but the presence of conditions that promote security, trust, and freedom from fear.” These perspectives provide a comprehensive framework for understanding personal safety in today’s increasingly complex and interrelated and integrated world. The Role of Situational and Environmental Awareness Personal safety pertains to situational and environmental awareness: the art of being observant and aware of one’s particular situation and environment. It allows the individual to identify any potential danger, make sound judgements, and take necessary actions to minimise the risk. It is an attitude and a skill that develops and improves with practice and learning. Principles of personal safety are: Trust your instincts: If you think something feels ‘off’—if you feel uneasy or scared, rely on your instinctive gut response. They are too often your initial defence. As Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence, astutely writes, “It’s always right in at least two ways: it’s in response to something, and it has your best interest at heart.” Developing a close relationship with your intuition is essential in making timely and protective decisions. Be Aware: Be aware of your surroundings and the people in them, while projecting confidence. Know your environment and travel plans, as this knowledge can prevent becoming a victim. Know where the nearest exits are, allowing you to leave the area quickly if needed. Something as simple as walking with a purpose or maintaining steady eye contact with others can show that you are ready and aware; this can deter a potential attacker. Avoid Unnecessary Risks: Minimise your exposure to potentially dangerous situations by making thoughtful choices. For instance, choose well-lit routes, avoid isolated areas, and keep trusted individuals informed of your whereabouts. Pay attention to environmental factors such as available exits, crowded spaces, or areas with limited visibility, as these can significantly influence your ability to respond to threats. While it is impossible to eliminate all risks to personal safety, taking proactive steps to mitigate them can greatly enhance your sense of security and preparedness. Acting Under Danger: In the case of a threatening situation, try escaping instead of fighting if possible. Fighting back any aggression with aggression usually makes it escalate further and increases the likelihood of injury. You must make your objective to safely get away as fast as possible in such situations. Advance preparation and practice of confident responses can facilitate clear and assured action under the pressure of immediacy. But in those situations where there is no escape and the threat is imminent and life-threatening, one has to make surefooted and resolute action. At that moment, I want you to summon all your strength and willpower to neutralise the threat. For one brief, critical moment, allow yourself to set aside your inhibitions and moral code and use whatever force necessary to survive and create an opportunity to safely escape. For a more profound understanding of what real self-defence involves, from the legal, ethical, and practical perspectives, I invite you to my book, NEVER A VICTIM. It provides in-depth insight and strategies to help you take control of your personal safety. Incident Reporting: It is reporting even minor incidents that is a key factor in the protection of others and develops a pattern of unsafe behaviour. By sharing experiences, communities, personal safety app developers, and support organisations can build up databases of information that enable better-informed responses to future risks. Addressing Specific Challenges Some people have special problems and dangers that require specific strategies for self-protection. Statistics from around the world indicate that a significant percentage of the population, especially women, have experienced rape or sexual assault, stalking, drink spiking, or domestic abuse in their lifetime. This grim reality calls for sensitive and effective measures to help individuals lead their lives with freedom and safety. Practical Approaches to Empowerment Risk Factor Education: Understanding the dynamics of harassment, abuse, and violence as potential threats educates the individual on how such risks manifest. That is a good starting point. Practical Safety Measures: Self-defence training, personal safety apps or alarms, and mobile applications are just a few tools and mechanisms available to help one stay connected to their trusted networks in times of distress. Technology can provide real-time support and peace of mind when used thoughtfully for you and your loved ones. Community Support: It is much more than the building of support networks to share experiences and strategies. Such networks, provided through face-to-face interaction, community campaigns, or online platforms, offer

Navigating Online Dating Safety: A Quick and Easy Guide

Online Dating Safety for Women

Navigating online dating safety can be a reak challenge for many of us. Dating has completely changed the rules of the game for women meeting and looking for a significant other. I can personally attest to this: nearly ten years ago, following my divorce, I faced the daunting challenge of navigating the new world of online dating apps, and learned to realise the risks it can impose for women in the same situation I was in. Fast forward a few of years, and I met my beautiful wife the old-fashioned way, while walking our dogs. (Yes, there is a long and beautiful story behind that, which I shall save for another time.) While online dating has undoubtedly opened possibilities for meaningful relationships, there are indeed dangers associated with it. For all its swipe-left-and-right ease, it requires a good deal of caution and consideration for safety. Ensuring your personal safety, first online and then offline, is important. This article outlines essential strategies to protect yourself and make informed decisions during your online dating journey, because where safety is concerned, there can be no compromise. Online Dating Platforms That Take Safety Seriously The first step to safe online dating is choosing the right platform. I encourage you to use reputable dating apps or websites that put user safety first through various systems such as: Strong Privacy Controls: The dating app or site should have strong privacy settings that allow you to control who sees your dating profile and personal details. Identity Confirmation: This could include photo verification, which significantly reduces the likelihood of encountering a fake profile, reverse image search to identify visually similar images from across the web, or checks using government-issued ID. The wisest idea is to use completely different photos for a dating profile. It’s not difficult to perform a reverse image search on Google. If your dating profile includes a photo that can also be found on your Instagram or Facebook account, it will be far easier for someone to locate you on social media. Secure Communication Tools: Utilise tools like Google Voice to keep your phone number private and avoid sharing personal information too soon. Google Voice is a free service that provides you with a secondary phone number. You can use this number to send and receive calls and texts, keeping your real number private. This adds an extra layer of security and helps maintain your privacy until you feel confident about sharing more personal information. Private Mode: Apps that have private modes enable you to browse dating profiles without the other party knowing. This provides extra privacy. Blocking and Reporting: The ability to block and report users is essential for maintaining a safe online environment. It empowers individuals to take immediate action against inappropriate, abusive, or threatening behaviour, ensuring that offenders can be removed or flagged for further review. It is advisable not to make your profile too personal. Avoid sharing your full name, address, or precise workplace (be a bit more vague), or any other details that could easily compromise your privacy. Instead, focus on general interests or hobbies to create an appealing yet safe account. Conducting a Background Check Before you ever agree to meet in person, do a little research to verify the person is who they say they are. A simple online search on social media can often reveal inconsistencies between what they have shared and what is online. Take the name they have provided, perhaps combined with the city they say they live in, and check on Facebook, Instagram, or even LinkedIn. Alternatively, do a Google search and see what you can find. Most of us have a digital footprint, whether we like it or not. In addition, a reverse image search can let you know if the profile photos are theirs or stolen from elsewhere. While it’s not ideal to draw conclusions solely from what you might find online, this step can help you decide if a potential red flag is present. If something doesn’t add up, proceed with caution, put additional safety measures in place before any in-person meeting, or cease communication altogether. Safety within Online Communications When communicating initially, stick to your boundaries and use the in-app messaging system. Don’t give out your phone number or email address unless you feel comfortable and you have learned to trust the person. Watch out for manipulative warning signs, such as delving too quickly into very personal details, or love-bombing, smothering you with affection or excessive compliments in an attempt to fast-track your trust. Also, if someone reacts negatively to you saying ‘no’, this in itself suggests motives that are less than positive, ranging from scams to unhealthy dynamics. Consider setting up a video call with your match before ever meeting them in person. It’s a great way to verify that they are who they claim to be on their profile. If a person strongly resists a video call, that’s suspicious behaviour. Meeting in a Public Place When you plan to meet anyone in person, do so in a busy public location with plenty of lighting. Let a friend or family member know where you are going, who you are meeting, and when you are meeting. By sharing as much information as possible (you could even take a pic of your acquaintance’s car registration plate and send it to our trusted contact), someone will know where to look for you should something happen. Location Sharing These days, with advances in technology, you can share your location in real time on WhatsApp, Find My Friends, or Google Maps. You can allow someone you trust to locate you during the date. This is simply a vital tool for online dating safety. Send an update when you arrive and leave the venue. This simple step keeps your loved ones informed and ensures someone can take action if needed. There are many personal safety apps worth considering. I’m unable to recommend a specific one, as most are tailored to function in certain countries

How You Can Help End Violence Against Women

violence against women

Starting today, 2025, ask yourself this: When you come across the words Violence Against Women online, do you stop and take notice, feel interested in reading further about the subject, or simply scroll past? Have you ever wondered what you personally can do to help end violence against women? Many of us have become desensitised to the many harsh realities of today’s society. Senseless violence against women has dominated our social media feeds for far too long: news reports of yet another domestic homicide, widespread outrage over another femicide in the street, or campaigns pleading with the government for meaningful change. You probably know the statistics: in 2020, for instance, some 47,000 women and girls were killed by their intimate partners or other family members, according to the United Nations. That works out at a woman or girl being killed every 11 minutes by someone in her own family. Indeed, in a new report published in November 2024, they claimed a woman or girl is killed by a member of her own family every 10 minutes. Can you see beyond the numbers? For many women, these facts and figures are not revelations; they are simply painful reminders of what they have endured and the strength it took to survive. You know, violence against women is not inevitable. Women shouldn’t have to live their lives in tears at the brunt of male violence, constantly adjusting their routines to keep themselves safe, and wondering whether they can still trust the police and others who are supposed to protect them. Here’s how you personally can help end violence against women: Listen to survivors It takes a lot of strength for victim survivors to speak about their experiences. I urge everybody to approach these moments with trust, empathy, and genuine compassion. Most importantly, listen carefully. It’s not just about what someone says—it’s often about how they say it or even what remains unsaid. I also urge everybody to believe survivors. If we are not concerned by the multitude of reasons preventing so many victim survivors from coming out of the shadows, then we probably need to have a huge rethink about whether we even care about ending violence against women. One in four women will face domestic abuse in their lifetime, yet survivors’ experiences are too often dismissed, trivialised, or ignored. This failure to believe them directly endangers all women. Believing someone brave enough to share their story is a powerful act that acknowledges the depth of this crisis. Educate yourself Why was she so drunk, or why was she dressed that way, if she did not want attention?If he treated her so badly, why didn’t she leave him much earlier?Why did it take her so long to speak about the abuse? Most of us unconsciously harbour various myths and misconceptions about violence against women, which may spread a culture of normalised violence. Probably the best counter to such beliefs is educating ourselves on the issue, through paying closer attention to news, reading relevant books and conducting research, or listening to some of the great podcasts out there. Call out your friends I believe, this one is most relevant to us men. If you hear one of your friends crack a misogynistic joke that clearly indicates a toxic mindset, why not call them out on it? You don’t have to fall out about it; it can be as simple as saying, “Hey, really?” You might be surprised how effective a simple questioning of someone’s comment can be. Speak up There are many ways to speak out against violence against women, from having open conversations about the issue to sharing informative and impactful content on social media. If you discuss this subject with others and start to think someone you know is being abused, help them to realise that free and confidential support is available from several specialist support organisations in their area. Believe, support, and encourage them, offer unconditional help, and never ever judge them. Volunteer Our time has become more and more valuable, so all of us need and want to invest it wisely. If you wish to dedicate some of your time to helping, rest assured that whatever your skills or passions, there is always an opportunity to support one of the many great organisations out there. I know your support, in whatever form, will be deeply appreciated and can truly make a difference. Disengage from rape culture Rape culture, described by Rape Crisis England & Wales as a “society where sexual violence and abuse is normalise, played down, and laughed off,” pervades all parts of life. Rape culture thrives when it goes unchallenged; let’s oppose those people with highly patriarchal, toxic, and fundamentally wrong opinions and mindsets. Promote healthy relationships and better sex education It is obvious that prevention is by far the most effective way of ending violence against women and girls, and this must begin with better education surrounding sex and relationships (RSE). Many experts in this field from around the world are calling for schools and colleges to provide RSE from the age of 16 years, or even as early as 14 years. This level of education should also come from loving parents. Parents of boys should emphasise how a kind and respectful man conducts himself. Parents of girls, likewise, should highlight to their daughters what a loving and healthy relationship is all about and, importantly, what acts or behaviours by a male partner are inappropriate, alarming, or even dangerous. Fundraise You don’t need to break world records, run through deserts or the Arctic, or take part in a world-famous marathon. Nor do you need to raise millions of pounds, dollars, or euros. In many developed countries, raising just £50 can provide a woman and her child with a night’s stay in a refuge—a small act that can make a life-changing difference. Every contribution helps, and every contribution is deeply appreciated. Use social media wisely Social media is essentially a virtual cesspit full of misogynistic rubbish. While

Understanding Technology-Enabled Sexual Abuse

Technology-Enabled Sexual Abuse

The internet has become a powerful tool for predators, enabling them to gather detailed information about their victims’ routines, appointments, social habits, workplaces, and vehicle registration numbers. In many cases, they even gain personal insights, such as clothing preferences, mannerisms, and specific lifestyle choices. Most of this is achieved without raising suspicion, providing perpetrators with ample time to meticulously plan hostile actions and engage in technology-enabled sexual abuse. As a result, it becomes significantly harder for victims to detect and protect themselves from the looming threat. It could be argued that eliminating this threat is impossible, but we can take steps to mitigate it. Technology-enabled abuse is a very real concern, a far cry from the dismissive view of it as a “virtual issue.” Many cases go unreported, leaving the full scale of this problem unknown. Technology-based abuse takes many forms, including online grooming, livestreamed abuse, online sexual coercion, online sex trafficking, nonconsensual sharing of explicit media, and image-based sexual abuse. Some victims experience severe emotional distress, and in extreme cases, this can tragically lead to suicide. Understanding Image-Based Sexual Abuse (IBSA) What exactly is image-based sexual abuse? IBSA refers to a broad range of abusive practices where images are used for sexual purposes without meaningful consent. This can include the creation, manipulation, theft, extortion, or threatened or actual distribution of images or videos, as well as any misuse of images or videos for exploitation. IBSA may also involve sexual violence or harassment targeting digital representations, such as avatars in virtual reality or online gaming. If you wish to gain a far greater understanding of this rather disturbing subject, please allow me to recommend an article, titled “Image-Based Sexual Abuse Perpetration: A Scoping Review,” by Nicola Hendry et al. Types of Technology-Enabled and Image Based Sexual Abuse AI-Generated Fake Content AI-generated content includes hyper-realistic images created using artificial intelligence, depicting individuals in explicit situations that never occurred. Deepfake technology often makes these images so convincing that detecting the forgery can be nearly impossible. As AI continues to reshape perceptions of reality, digital literacy and critical thinking skills are becoming increasingly essential. If you fall victim to such abuse, these skills can help you demonstrate the forgery and, if appropriate, provide evidence to your family, social circle, professional network, or police. Here are some ways to identify AI-generated content: Visual Oddities: Look for inconsistencies in details such as lighting, facial expressions, or reflections, areas where AI still tends to struggle. Speech Patterns: If audio is involved, listen for unnatural rhythm, overly perfect speech, or a lack of natural emotion and pauses. Source Verification: Trust only reputable sources and cross-check information across reliable platforms. AI Detection Tools: Tools such as Deepware Scanner and Sensity specialise in identifying deepfake videos and other forgeries by analysing pixel inconsistencies, metadata, and digital fingerprints. Background Inconsistencies: AI often simplifies or blurs backgrounds, missing subtle contextual details. Non-Consensual Distribution of Explicit Material This involves sharing or posting sexually explicit images or videos without meaningful consent, representing a severe violation of privacy and bodily autonomy that often causes lasting emotional harm. I believe it’s important to acknowledge that I fully understand the desire to exchange intimate images, particularly among younger age groups or during the early stages of a relationship. However, it’s crucial to recognise that a relationship, which might initially seem healthy and promising, can sometimes deteriorate or change dramatically. In such instances, the intimate images you once shared in trust could end up in the hands of someone who now harbours hostile intentions with a potential desire to commit acts of technology-enabled sexual abuse. For this reason, I urge everyone to be mindful and conscious of the potential risks involved. Sexual Extortion (Sextortion) Perpetrators often use sexual images to blackmail victims, demanding additional explicit content, money, sexual contact, or compliance to maintain a relationship. This ties directly to my earlier point. Be extremely cautious about who you grant access to any sexual images of yourself. Recording Sexual Violence (RSV) This refers to the recording of sexual assault or rape, often when the victim is incapacitated or drugged. The case of French rape survivor Gisèle Pelicot is a shocking example. However, it is also a greatly empowering example of a woman who bravely waved her right to anonymity so the evidence could be heard in public, and so she could repeatedly remind the world that shame must change sides, and that shame lies with their attacker, not with the victim survivor. The recordings of these acts of violence may be shared online, including on mainstream pornography sites, compounding the trauma inflicted. Video Voyeurism (VV) These actions involve secretly recording the private activities of individuals, such as dressing, urinating, and showering without their knowledge. It also involves taking pictures of body parts in private settings that happen to be in a public place, like “upskirting” or “down-blousing.” Modern technology provides perpetrators with an ever-expanding arsenal of tools to control, abuse, and threaten. Preventing or stopping IBSA is exceptionally challenging, if not impossible. Resources for Technology-Enabled Sexual Abuse For a deeper understanding of online violence against women, I recommend the study Online Violence Against Women: A Four Nations Study. Led by Professor Olga Jurasz and funded by the Open University’s Open Societal Challenges programme in 2024, it represents the first comprehensive, large-scale study of online violence against women across the UK. The study examines the scale, impact, and societal attitudes towards such abuse. The research found that most participants in England recognised image-based sexual abuse as a form of online violence against women and girls (OVAWG), with 91% identifying it as such. Other forms included text-based abuse (87%), cyberstalking (86%), cyberbullying (85%), upskirting (84%), and cyberflashing (83%). Key factors driving these offences included online anonymity, the ease of escaping accountability, and the widespread sexualisation of women and girls. I have explored the subject of Technology-Enabled Abuse and many more related subjects in my book, NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety. I strongly encourage you to develop at least a basic understanding of this issue, as I believe it will play an increasingly significant role in the personal safety of women in the future. And whatever