Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Your Checklist
Are you unsure about your date, your new relationship, or whether your current relationship has taken a worrisome turn? Of course, there are the more obvious signs of abuse, such as verbal threats and physical violence. However, many have expressed concerns or uncertainty, telling me they were unsure whether certain actions or behaviours should be considered abusive or toxic. This brief article is highlighting several warning signs of an abusive relationship. I have put this checklist together with you in mind and will attempt to highlight some of the more cunning, but equally important signs of an abusive and unhealthy relationship. Whether you’ve recently started dating, your relationship has taken a discouraging turn, or you’re noticing behaviours that feel unsettling, this article aims to provide clarity. When it comes to your safety and well-being, it’s most certainly important to err on the side of caution. It’s equally important to periodically assess both new and long-established relationships for troubling behaviours. 18 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Disregarding the Word ‘No’ This is, hands down, the number one question: does your date or partner respect your boundaries? If you say no—to a drink, to a kiss, to staying out longer, or even to something as simple as a movie or song choice—does he listen? Or does he casually override your objections, perhaps with a smile to make it seem less wrong? A man who does not take ‘no’ for an answer is not respecting your autonomy and can be displaying manipulative behaviour. This is not about manners or politeness; this is about basic respect. If he does not take ‘no’ for an answer, then walk away. Respecting boundaries is non-negotiable. Every time your ‘no’ is dismissed, it undermines your ability to feel safe and respected within the relationship. Recognise this as a red flag that may indicate further controlling behaviour in the future. Gaslighting Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation to make you question your sanity or perception. Examples: Denial of events or conversations. Accusations of overreaction on your part. Shift of blame onto you. Withholding of important information. If you find yourself constantly questioning your sanity or saying sorry for everything, then it is time to re-evaluate this relationship. Gaslighting undermines confidence and self-determination. Over time, it can make you feel dependent on the very person causing the harm as you may begin to doubt your ability to explore life independently. Typecasting Typecasting is labelling you so that you must prove the label wrong. Example: “You’re unadventurous” as a way of forcing you into doing something you don’t want to do. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Your boundaries are more important than someone else’s opinion. Giving in to this usually means you compromise your values or safety, so prioritise your comfort and decisions. Loan Sharking This involves offering unsolicited help to make you feel indebted. For example: fixing something for you and then expecting a favour in return. Healthy relationships don’t rely on transactional dynamics. Genuine kindness doesn’t come with strings attached. Loan sharking creates a power imbalance where you feel obligated to repay favours, often at the cost of your comfort or safety. This is a tactic often used to establish control under the guise of generosity. Love Bombing Love bombing is most certainly something to watch out for on a date or at an early stage in the relationship. This is smothering you with excessive attention, gifts, or flattery with the goal of quickly gaining one’s trust and/or love. Love bombing is almost always followed by control or abuse. While it may seem flattering at first, love bombing is many times manipulative and unsustainable. It puts you in a position where you believe you need to return the excessively strong feelings of love, even if those feelings feel suffocating or untrue. Disregard for Your Privacy A healthy relationship respects your need for space. If your partner continues to invade your personal time or privacy, that could be possessiveness and a lack of boundaries. This may be in the form of going through your belongings, checking messages, and insisting on being part of everything in your life. Pressure to Commit Quickly Rushing into commitment—be that by moving in together, getting engaged, or making joint decisions in an already established relationship—is a way to cut your time short to consider the relationship critically. Take your time and trust your instincts. A partner who respects you will understand the need to move at a pace that feels right for both of you. Refusal to Apologise Everyone makes mistakes, but a partner who refuses to apologise or admit fault is not taking accountability. Most of the time, this is indicative of entitlement and an inability to empathise. A refusal to apologise does not just tear down trust; it shows complete disregard for your feelings and the well-being of the relationship. Mocking or Belittling Your Goals Is your date or partner belittling your goals, passions, or achievements? That’s a method to make you doubt your confidence to feel less competent or independent. If it keeps happening for too long, your growth will be retarded, and this will make you doubt your potentials, which again facilitates their control. A supportive partner celebrates your success and encourages the fulfilment of your potentials. Jealousy A little jealousy may seem harmless, but when excessive, it’s a red flag. Jealousy can go from an insecure display to a manipulative and controlling tool in no time. Watch out for these patterns: no good relationship is based on suspicion but rather on trust. You are constantly proving your loyalty, and this could leave you emotionally drained, detached from your support system. Warning signs include the following: Monitoring your every move. Expecting you to respond immediately to texts and calls. Controlling your social media content. Isolating you from family and friends. Blaming you for their jealousy or insecurity. Using intimidation or threats to control your behaviour. Financial Control It is often the case that one
Take Action: How You Can Help End Violence Against Women
Starting today, 2025, ask yourself this: When you come across the words Violence Against Women online, do you stop and take notice, feel interested in reading further about the subject, or simply scroll past? Many of us have become desensitised to the many harsh realities of today’s society. Senseless violence against women has dominated our social media feeds for far too long: news reports of yet another domestic homicide, widespread outrage over another femicide in the street, or campaigns pleading with the government for meaningful change. You probably know the statistics: in 2020, for instance, some 47,000 women and girls were killed by their intimate partners or other family members, according to the United Nations. That works out at a woman or girl being killed every 11 minutes by someone in her own family. Indeed, in a new report published in November 2024, they claimed a woman or girl is killed by a member of her own family every 10 minutes. Can you see beyond the numbers? For many women, these facts and figures are not revelations; they are simply painful reminders of what they have endured and the strength it took to survive. You know, violence against women is not inevitable. Women shouldn’t have to live their lives in tears at the brunt of male violence, constantly adjusting their routines to keep themselves safe, and wondering whether they can still trust the police and others who are supposed to protect them. Here’s how you personally can help end violence against women: Listen to survivors It takes a lot of strength for victim survivors to speak about their experiences. I urge everybody to approach these moments with trust, empathy, and genuine compassion. Most importantly, listen carefully. It’s not just about what someone says—it’s often about how they say it or even what remains unsaid. I also urge everybody to believe survivors. If we are not concerned by the multitude of reasons preventing so many victim survivors from coming out of the shadows, then we probably need to have a huge rethink about whether we even care about ending violence against women. One in four women will face domestic abuse in their lifetime, yet survivors’ experiences are too often dismissed, trivialised, or ignored. This failure to believe them directly endangers all women. Believing someone brave enough to share their story is a powerful act that acknowledges the depth of this crisis. Educate yourself Why was she so drunk, or why was she dressed that way, if she did not want attention?If he treated her so badly, why didn’t she leave him much earlier?Why did it take her so long to speak about the abuse? Most of us unconsciously harbour various myths and misconceptions about violence against women, which may spread a culture of normalised violence. Probably the best counter to such beliefs is educating ourselves on the issue, through paying closer attention to news, reading relevant books and conducting research, or listening to some of the great podcasts out there. Call out your friends I believe, this one is most relevant to us men. If you hear one of your friends crack a misogynistic joke that clearly indicates a toxic mindset, why not call them out on it? You don’t have to fall out about it; it can be as simple as saying, “Hey, really?” You might be surprised how effective a simple questioning of someone’s comment can be. Speak up There are many ways to speak out against violence against women, from having open conversations about the issue to sharing informative and impactful content on social media. If you discuss this subject with others and start to think someone you know is being abused, help them to realise that free and confidential support is available from several specialist support organisations in their area. Believe, support, and encourage them, offer unconditional help, and never ever judge them. Volunteer Our time has become more and more valuable, so all of us need and want to invest it wisely. If you wish to dedicate some of your time to helping, rest assured that whatever your skills or passions, there is always an opportunity to support one of the many great organisations out there. I know your support, in whatever form, will be deeply appreciated and can truly make a difference. Disengage from rape culture Rape culture, described by Rape Crisis England & Wales as a “society where sexual violence and abuse is normalise, played down, and laughed off,” pervades all parts of life. Rape culture thrives when it goes unchallenged; let’s oppose those people with highly patriarchal, toxic, and fundamentally wrong opinions and mindsets. Promote healthy relationships and better sex education It is obvious that prevention is by far the most effective way of ending violence against women and girls, and this must begin with better education surrounding sex and relationships (RSE). Many experts in this field from around the world are calling for schools and colleges to provide RSE from the age of 16 years, or even as early as 14 years. This level of education should also come from loving parents. Parents of boys should emphasise how a kind and respectful man conducts himself. Parents of girls, likewise, should highlight to their daughters what a loving and healthy relationship is all about and, importantly, what acts or behaviours by a male partner are inappropriate, alarming, or even dangerous. Fundraise You don’t need to break world records, run through deserts or the Arctic, or take part in a world-famous marathon. Nor do you need to raise millions of pounds, dollars, or euros. In many developed countries, raising just £50 can provide a woman and her child with a night’s stay in a refuge—a small act that can make a life-changing difference. Every contribution helps, and every contribution is deeply appreciated. Use social media wisely Social media is essentially a virtual cesspit full of misogynistic rubbish. While it may seem unlikely to change, there are innovative digital ‘safe’ spaces where female victims
Steps Women Should Take When Feeling Threatened or Unsafe
You might find yourself asking, “What can I do to stay safe when feeling threatened and unsafe?” Feeling threatened or unsafe can be a highly uncomfortable and stressful experience that affects you mentally, emotionally, and physically. You may feel afraid, confused, angry, or even blame yourself for being in that situation. However, what counts is your response. You must take back control. Understanding the Nature of Threats Threats come in many forms, and understanding their nature is essential to responding effectively. Each type requires a different approach, but the ultimate objective remains the same: protecting yourself. Broadly, threats can be categorised as: Immediate Threats: Urgent, violent situations where your safety is at risk, such as someone directly confronting you. Non-Immediate Threats: Situations that feel less urgent but are equally harmful, like receiving threatening messages or being blackmailed. Staying Safe When Dealing with Immediate Threats When there is an immediate threat, meaning someone is threatening you with violence (with or without a weapon), your personal safety needs to be the number one concern. Here’s how to respond: Stay calm: I fully understand how difficult it is to remain calm, but it is crucial. Fear clouds judgment, so do what I believe is the most important thing in such a moment: take a deep breath, as that will help you to focus on thinking clearly about what exactly is going on. You want to understand the precise threat i.e. distance between you and the threat, weapons being present or not, bystanders who might be able/willing to help, possible escape routes, the physical actions you wish to take to neutralise the threat. Escape if possible: Quickly scan your surroundings. Look for exits or safe places. Leaving the area safely is always preferable to physical confrontation. De-escalate if necessary: If escape isn’t immediately possible, try to calm the situation. Speak in a calm, neutral tone, avoid making provocative statements, and set clear boundaries without being confrontational. Subject to the type of threat, the person’s motive and your relationship to him etc., this might work or not. Defend yourself if needed: As a last resort, protect yourself using a simple self-defence technique. In certain situations, this may involve a powerful and violent ‘hammer fist strike’ or a palm heel strike against the attacker’s neck or throat. If you are very close to your attacker use your teeth and viciously bite him in his face as hard as you can, or grind yor thumb into one of his eyes. You might also aim to break one of your assailant’s fingers or other fragile bones. Defend yourself with any means necessary, using all the energy, force, and power you can summon. Avoid responding with a half-hearted defence. Trust your instincts and act decisively. For a comprehensive list of non-lethal and self-defence techniques, refer to my book NEVER A VICTIM. Document the incident: Once safe, record as much information as possible. This should include details about the individual, the location, any potential injuries sustained, and a clear account of what occurred. This will be invaluable when reporting the incident. Report to authorities: Call the police right away. If you believe you are in grave danger, make this clear and share all the evidence and information you have been able to memorise or compile. Staying Safe When Handling Non-Immediate Threats Non-immediate threats, though less urgent, can be just as troubling. These could include threatening messages, harassment, or blackmail. Here’s how to approach these situations: Assess credibility: Is the threat realistic? Does the person have the ability and intent to follow through? When in doubt, always err on the side of caution and treat it as credible. Document everything: Save emails, texts, social media posts, and other forms of communication. Screenshots and written notes can provide critical evidence. Inform people you trust: Let a friend, family member, or colleague know what is happening. You do not have to face this by yourself. Direct communication (if safe): If you know who is making the threat and it’s safe for you to do so, consider talking to the person about the issue. Ideally, have the conversation in a public place and ensure another person is nearby for added safety. Sometimes, open communication can help resolve a misunderstanding. Engage the police: Threats, even indirect ones, are considered illegal. Consider calling the police, as it yet another step toward protecting yourself. Stay Aware and Alert The environment will play a critical role in your safety when a threatening situation arises. Know your environment: Are there any exits? Are there CCTV installed? Can onlookers or passers-by help you? Seek public spaces: If you feel unsafe, move to well-lit, populated areas. Public visibility often deters aggressors. Engage bystanders: Don’t hesitate to ask others for help. Most people are willing to assist when they see someone in distress, but please communicate your need for help clearly, and tell any bystander what you would like them to do. Taking Action After the Incident Once the immediate danger has passed, focus on protecting yourself from further harm and processing the experience: Know your legal protection options: These may include actions such as filing for protective orders or pressing charges against perpetrators. Seek emotional support: Do not underestimate the emotional impact and trauma of a threat or violence. Confide in friends, family, or other support groups, and talk to a mental health expert if necessary. Coping with Blackmail or Manipulation Blackmail is a non-violent threat that may lead to feelings of extreme distress. Remain calm: Never make a rash decision; instead, take some time to reflect on your next move, and discuss the matter with others your trust. Don’t give in: Only comply if that is the safest thing for you to do. Consider other ways out, like taking legal advice, consulting an expert in this field, or going to the police first. Document and report: Gather evidence and bring it to the police’s attention. Blackmail is against the law, and you don’t have to put
How Can Women Protect Themselves from Domestic Violence and Abuse?
Domestic violence and abuse are persistent problems throughout the world, leaving behind a trail of destruction on individual and family levels. Since women are disproportionately affected by these heinous acts, there is a need to empower them with knowledge, resources, and actionable steps towards protection. This brief article covers practical strategies, safety tips, and resources you can use to protect yourself from domestic violence and abuse. By understanding the warning signs, leveraging support networks, and adopting proactive measures, women can take significant steps to safeguard their safety. Recognising the Warning Signs of Abuse The first step in protecting yourself is recognising the signs of abuse. Early identification of such behaviours will help one take precautionary measures before the situation worsens. These warning signs may include: Emotional manipulation: Abusive partners use constant criticism, gaslighting, or isolating you from loved ones as manipulative tactics. Physical violence: Any form of physical harm or threats of violence. Controlling behaviour: Monitoring your movements, finances, or communications, including social media. Sexual abuse: Forcing you into unwanted sexual acts or not giving you bodily autonomy. Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship Practical Steps to Protect Yourself From Domestic Violence The process of protecting yourself against domestic violence and abuse requires awareness, preparation, and support. My book, entitled NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Personal Safety, provides complete guidance and strategies on how you can increase your personal safety and how you can protect yourself from domestic violence. It also highlights all manipulative strategies used by abusers. However, here are some useful actionable strategies to consider: Create a safety plan. You need a safety plan that is personally tailored to your unique circumstances to help you manage potentially dangerous situations. Your safety plan should include: Names and numbers of trusted people to contact in an emergency. A safe place to go if you need to leave your home in a hurry. Valuable documents, some cash if possible, and a bag packed ready with essential items kept safe. This should include medication that you and your children may need. A recent photograph and the car registration number of your partner (if possible). Share this information with trusted individuals who can help monitor your safety wherever you are i.e., at work. Trust your intuition. Your intuition is a truly powerful ally in recognising danger. Women often dismiss their gut feelings to conform to social or gender norms, but your intuition always prioritises your well-being. If something feels wrong, please take it seriously. Know your abuser’s red flags. Observe your abuser behaviour trait and patterns and be watchful of actions that show your abuser is getting upset and may explode. Think of legitimate reasons to go out (i.e., day or night) if you think it may escalate. Get help and support. Isolation is a common tactic used by abusers. Maintain connections with trusted friends, family, or community groups. If confiding in someone close isn’t an option, reach out to one of the great support organisations or helplines for assistance. These resources can provide: Domestic violence shelters offering temporary housing and support. Legal aid organisations to help with restraining orders or court proceedings. Dedicated helplines and support organisations providing immediate emotional support and advice. Examples include the UK’s Women’s Aid, The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US, 1800RESPECT in Australia, and SaferSpaces in South Africa. However, you can also search for local support groups online. Identify safe areas in your home. Know where to go when your abuser becomes violent or hostile. Avoid small, confined spaces with no exits or rooms with potential weapons such as the kitchen. If possible, head to room containing a phone and having direct access to an outside door or window. You might want to consider identifying a room you might aim to escape to, a room you can prepare in advance i.e. with a mobile charger, a flashlight, and some type of deafeningly loud personal alarm. Practise safe escape. Go through your escape plan so you know what to do immediately should you be attacked. Involve children (subject to age and mental capacity) in the practice if you have any. Please keep practising it, imagining different scenarios. Use technology wisely. Technology, such as mobile phones, can be your greatest ally in emergencies but also your worst enemy if not used carefully. Make sure to protect yourself by: Regularly changing passwords and keeping them private. Examining devices for tracking software or spyware. Utilising apps designed for safety, such as personal alarm apps or silent emergency alerts. Train in self-defence. Physical fitness and self-defence techniques can instil confidence and physical means to defend oneself. While self-defence is not a complete answer to domestic violence, it is a good skill to know. Find an experienced instructor who understands the dynamics of real-life violence. It would significantly help you to protect yourself from domestic violence. Understand legal protections. Familiarise yourself with local laws and available legal resources. Many countries offer protective or restraining orders that prevent abusers from contacting or approaching their victims. Consult legal experts or organisations specialising in domestic violence for tailored advice and support. The Role of Society in Supporting Survivors of Domestic Abuse While empowering women is critical, addressing domestic violence requires a collective effort. Communities, governments, and institutions must: Educate the public about the realities of domestic abuse. Hold abusers accountable through legal and social consequences. Offer comprehensive support services to survivors. This means we must listen carefully, assure them of our unconditional help, empathise with them, and above all we must not be judgemental. Your Next Step Empowerment of women in the ways to protect themselves against domestic violence and abuse starts with knowledge. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, take the first step towards getting help. Learn more and find resources at www.womens-safety.com.
Three Decades of Progress: Celebrating the Violence Against Women Act
As the United States marks the 30th anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), the Justice Department has announced over $690 million in grant funding through the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW). This funding aims to strengthen services and justice responses for victims and survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking across the country. Originally passed in 1994, VAWA was the first comprehensive federal law designed to prevent and address gender-based violence. Since then, it has been reauthorised multiple times, expanding resources and protections for survivors. This recent funding emphasises three decades of progress and continued commitment to ending violence against women. Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco, reflecting on VAWA’s journey, stated, “I was privileged to work on the passage of the original Violence Against Women Act thirty years ago — landmark legislation that transformed how our nation responds to domestic violence and sexual assault. Our country’s progress to prevent gender-based violence is not finished, but we have come a long way since 1994 thanks to the hard work of survivors, advocates, and members of law enforcement — including the women and men of the Justice Department — who work every day to hold perpetrators accountable and protect survivors. The grants we’re announcing today reaffirm our commitment to building safe communities for all, free from violence and fear.” Since its inception, VAWA has supported numerous initiatives to enhance services for survivors and increase accountability for offenders. The law’s advancement reflects a growing understanding of the complexities of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking and the need for comprehensive, community-based responses. The newly announced funds will be allocated through several grant programs, including over $171 million for the STOP (Services, Training, Officers, and Prosecutors) Violence Against Women Formula Grants Program. This program fosters coordinated responses among law enforcement, courts, and victim services across all 50 states and six U.S. territories. Additional grants will provide over $52 million for sexual assault services, $40 million for transitional housing, and $24 million to enhance the criminal justice system’s response to these crimes. “The power of VAWA is that it is centred on the lived realities and leadership of survivors,” said Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) Director Rosie Hidalgo. “By identifying what works well that can be expanded and enhanced, and identifying gaps and barriers, we can continue to improve VAWA and ensure that we are supporting all survivors, including those from historically marginalized communities and underserved populations who often face multiple barriers to services and safety.” Established in 1995 to implement VAWA, the OVW has provided more than $11 billion in funding. Three decades on, violence against women continues to exist, and so the fight shall continue. As VAWA marks this milestone, it serves as both a reminder of the progress made and a call to action for the work still required to ensure safety, justice, and healing for all survivors. — About the Author My name is Robert Kaiser. I am the author of NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety, a book aimed at helping women prevent both physical and sexual violence. The UK edition will be available from on 20 November 2024, with an international edition following on 22 January 2025. Both editions will be available in hardcover and eBook formats, with audiobook versions scheduled for release in Spring 2025. This extremely comprehensive guide book contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words, and includes numerous safety recommendations highlighted to enhance women’s safety, and empower women to trust in their innate ability to protect themselves and stay safe. Over the past three decades, I have dedicated myself to understanding violence against women, including sexual violence, specific acts of physical violence, and the individuals who perpetrate them. I have had the privilege of listening to and working with hundreds of female survivors of sexual and physical violence, whose incredible support I will forever appreciate. However, I have also engaged in extremely challenging and complex conversations with rapists, predators, and other criminals to help identify alarming behaviour traits and behaviour patterns. This allows us to predict future acts of violence and learn to prevent them. You can follow me on Facebook or LinkedIn.
What are the reasons behind the increase in violence against women?
Violence against women is now being recognised as a national emergency, according to a recent report from the National Police Chiefs’ Council (NPCC). While this recognition is long overdue, the report highlights a stark reality: violence against women is becoming more severe, not less. In the 2022-2023 period, cases of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, harassment, exploitation, and child abuse in England and Wales rose by 37% compared to 2018-2019. Although part of this increase can be attributed to a greater willingness to report crimes, this does not explain the entire rise. We must carefully investigate what else is contributing to the growing dangers women face today. A New Wave of Misogyny One troubling factor is the radicalisation of young men by online misogynists who promote aggressive and harmful views about women. Deputy Chief Constable Maggie Blyth has warned that this is a significant issue that must be taken seriously. More needs to be done by parents, educators, and tech companies to counteract this trend. Social media platforms, for example, have been criticised for their slow response in distancing themselves from toxic influencers like the disgraced YouTuber Andrew Tate, who is facing charges of rape and human trafficking in both Romania and the UK. A Crown Prosecution Service study found that people under 25 are less likely than older generations to understand that consent cannot be assumed in the absence of physical force. However, people like Andrew Tate may be a result of deep-rooted misogyny, rather than the cause of it. A recent NPCC report reveals that the average age of perpetrators of rape, sexual violence, or domestic abuse is 37 years old, indicating that these offenders are primarily adult men, not confused young individuals. These are grown men who often repeatedly and systematically abuse, harass, and seek to control women. Alarming Statistics and a Weak Justice System The statistics paint a bleak picture. Each year, approximately one in 20 adults in England and Wales, around 2 million people, will commit acts of violence, and one in 12 women will become a victim. The report does not address the uncomfortable question of how many offenders commit these crimes simply because they can—because they know they are unlikely to face consequences. While the NPCC findings show that arrest and charge rates in rape cases are rising, the criminal justice system remains in utter disarray. Courts are so backlogged that victims of violence can wait years for justice, and many may choose to drop their cases rather than endure the prolonged trauma of an unresolved legal battle. Probation services are overstretched, prisons are overcrowded, and women’s refuges and social services are underfunded. The Role of Law Enforcement and Policy Changes The decision by the previous government to categorise violence against women and girls as a national threat was a step in the right direction. This policy shift has pushed police forces to treat the issue with the same level of seriousness as organised crime. Yvette Cooper, the new Home Secretary, is closely monitoring a Metropolitan Police initiative to identify and pursue the 100 most dangerous offenders in London, a program that could be extended to other forces if it proves successful. Some police forces are also experimenting with preventative programs. For example, Essex Police have implemented an initiative that identifies behaviour patterns likely to lead to domestic violence and intervenes early, offering perpetrators help to change while closely monitoring them to protect potential victims. The success of such programs is measured by fewer women being harmed, not necessarily by an increase in convictions. However, there is still a long way to go before we have a criminal justice system where women feel confident, they will be taken seriously, and repeat offenders genuinely fear getting caught. The current lack of deterrence is a significant gap that needs to be filled by the new government, which often highlights its commitment to justice. Understanding the Deeper Issues The question many women ask is why some men harbour such intense animosity toward them, as if understanding this could somehow put an end to the violence. While there may not be a straightforward answer to this painful question, one thing is certain in my eyes: crime always thrives in environments where it goes unpunished. The cultural environment in which boys are raised is undoubtedly important, but vigorous law enforcement is what ensures that violent actions have visible and inescapable consequences. I believe that once the consequences for these actions become apparent, we might begin to see a shift in culture. Conclusion: An Urgent Call for Action We will all agree, the rise in violence against women is a crisis that demands immediate attention. The contributing factors are complex and varied, from online radicalisation, poor upbringing, lack of love and discipline, cultural backlash to systemic failures in the criminal justice system. Addressing these issues requires a comprehensive approach involving policy changes, better law enforcement, community engagement, and a commitment by everyone to challenging harmful attitudes. Only then can we hope to create a society where women are genuinely safe, and perpetrators of violence face the full weight of justice they deserve. About the Author My name is Robert Kaiser. I am the author of NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety, a book aimed at helping women prevent both physical and sexual violence. The UK edition will be available from on 20 November 2024, with an international edition following on 22 January 2025. Both editions will be available in hardcover and eBook formats, with audiobook versions scheduled for release in Spring 2025. This extremely comprehensive guide book contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words, and includes numerous safety recommendations highlighted to enhance women’s safety, and empower women to trust in their innate ability to protect themselves and stay safe. Over the past three decades, I have dedicated myself to understanding violence against women, including sexual violence, specific acts of physical violence, and the individuals who perpetrate them. I have had the privilege of listening to and working
About my future women’s safety blogs
First and foremost, I want to thank you for visiting my website and women’s safety blogs. Let me make one thing clear from the outset: No woman deserves to experience physical or sexual violence, regardless of her attire, level of intoxication, or demeanour. Violence against women is unequivocally unacceptable. My future blogs will leave no doubt about my stance on this issue. Throughout 2024, The Guardian newspaper aims to report on every woman allegedly killed by a man, drawing on the work of campaigns such as Counting Dead Women, the Femicide Census, and Killed Women. As of today (13 August 2024), 50 women’s deaths have led to a man being charged. A survey conducted by “Killed Women,” a UK-based organisation and network of families of women killed by men, revealed some harrowing findings: 67% of families believe the killing of their loved one was preventable. This definitive guide to women’s safety aims to help prevent both physical and sexual violence. Violence against women demands our full attention, particularly given that, in 2023 alone, police recorded 68,387 rapes in England and Wales. According to a national study conducted for police chiefs, Sir Mark Rowley, head of London’s Metropolitan Police Service, stated in June 2024 that there are up to 4 million perpetrators of violence against women and children in the UK. Other data shows that there are more than 1 million domestic violence incidents and crimes each year, 800,000 women become victims of sexual assault annually, and over 90% of those committing these crimes are male. A 2018 study by researchers from Glasgow University, involving almost 1,000 rape survivors, found that more than 90% of rape and sexual assault victims knew their attacker. These statistics and critical insights into these crimes and their most likely perpetrators are reflected in the content and advice you will find in my future blogs and forthcoming book, “NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety.” This truly comprehensive guide contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words and numerous safety recommendations aiming to enhance your personal security. Some of these recommendations may feel restrictive to your freedom. Women’s safety can indeed be limiting, sometimes preventing you from doing exactly what you want. Unfortunately, this is an unavoidable reality that I cannot change. You will need to find a balance between enjoying your freedom and ensuring your safety. This may involve doing things differently from your preferred way or altering certain behaviours and habits altogether. If you feel it is unfair and wrong that women must be cautious, careful, and conscious of their actions—limiting what, when, and how they do things—I wholeheartedly agree with you. It is not women who should have to change and adapt to a world where sexual abuse and physical violence have become too common. Although there are many good men out there, it is men who need to rethink their attitudes and behaviours. Of course, it would be ideal if men behaved differently—much differently at times. It would be good, right, and just if the world were a place where the entire contents of my future blogs were unnecessary and irrelevant. But sadly, today, that is not the case. This is why, through my future blogs, I aim to empower you, offer encouragement, and help you live a safer life. Articles such as Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship will offer you and other readers the chance to identify risks and threats to your safety early. Thank you for visiting my women’s safety blogs. – Robert Kaiser –