What distinguishes consensual sex or gestures of affection from sexual assault is consent.
Sexual consent is a free, voluntary, and informed agreement between you and another person to participate in a sexual act. It must be clearly and freely communicated.
You cannot give consent if you are underage, intoxicated, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. If you find yourself agreeing to an activity under pressure, intimidation, or threat, that is not true consent because it was not given freely. Be aware that unequal power dynamics, such as those between you and an employer or teacher, also invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in these situations.
Due to major news headlines in recent years, I hope we all have a greater understanding of what sexual assault by a trusted person or someone in power or authority entails.
However, it is important to me to clarify this to ensure a correct understanding. In short, it refers to a person in a position of authority or dominance exerting their power over another through sexual conduct. The perpetrator may use various tactics, ranging from flattery and manipulation to humiliation, threats, or physical force, or any combination thereof. The method does not matter; if sexual words or actions are imposed on you against your will, it qualifies as sexual assault or abuse.
Perpetrators can be almost anyone, but they are often someone the victim knows, frequently people in positions of authority such as workplace superiors, teachers, sports trainers, doctors, police officers, or priests. Many stories of sexual abuse share a common narrative: someone in a position of power uses that position to perpetrate sexual abuse for purposes of control, manipulation, gratification, or ego. Sexual misconduct and assault most often occur in unequal power dynamics, where the perpetrator holds a dominant position relative to the victim. It can happen quickly and unexpectedly, but sexual misconduct often begins with something minor or subtle and then escalates.
Some of the most publicised cases have occurred in the US. For example, Catholic dioceses have paid over $3.8 billion to settle claims of sexual assault by clergy since the 1980s.
In May 2018, Michigan State University reached a $500 million settlement with 332 victims of Larry Nassar, who was a USA Gymnastics national team doctor and osteopathic physician at Michigan State.
In October 2017, The New York Times reported that dozens of women accused American film producer Harvey Weinstein of rape, sexual assault, and abuse over a period of at least 30 years, with over 80 women in the film industry eventually coming forward. He was ultimately sentenced to prison for sexual abuse, sexual violence, and rape.
We also remember American financier and sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Following his suspicious death in 2019, thousands of court documents related to him were made public in early 2024, detailing Epstein’s sexual abuse and trafficking of underage girls. The number of victims is believed to be significantly higher than 100, with some as young as 12.
In December 2023, an anonymous woman, known as “Jane Doe,” filed a federal lawsuit against the artist and music producer Sean Combs (formerly known as Puff Daddy)). He is now accused of racketeering, sex trafficking, and transportation to engage in prostitution, alleging that he “abused, threatened, and coerced women and others around him to fulfil sexual desires, protect his reputation, and conceal his conduct.”
But here in the UK, the situation is not much different. A current investigation claims that Mohamed Al-Fayed, the former owner of Harrods, abused his power to harass and rape employees. So far, more than 60 women have come forward to accuse him of sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape while they were working at his famous British luxury department store or his football club Fulham F.C. Sadly, this number is likely to increase in the coming days, weeks and months.
This is a stark reminder that predators and monsters (as many of us like to call them) often hide in plain sight. As I stated in the very first chapter of my forthcoming book NEVER A VICTIM, they are always someone’s husband, son, brother, best friend, trusted associate, helpful neighbour, respected colleague, or person of authority; often respected by those around them, admired by the media, and sometimes surrounded by millions of social media followers.
Sadly, predatory people in power often evade justice due to their social influence, powerful associates, and ability to silence victims with money.
If you have experienced anything of this nature, please let me emphasise that it was in no way your fault, and you should not blame yourself. Unequal power dynamics invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in such situations. With this in mind, you may wish to seek help, consider coming forward, and explore the possibility of pressing charges.
About the Author
My name is Robert Kaiser. I am the author of NEVER A VICTIM: The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety, a book aimed at helping women prevent both physical and sexual violence. The UK edition will be available from on 20 November 2024, with an international edition following on 22 January 2025. Both editions will be available in hardcover and eBook formats, with audiobook versions scheduled for release in Spring 2025. This extremely comprehensive guide book contains 500 pages, over 109,000 words, and includes numerous safety recommendations highlighted to enhance women’s safety, and empower women to trust in their innate ability to protect themselves and stay safe.
Over the past three decades, I have dedicated myself to understanding violence against women, including sexual violence, specific acts of physical violence, and the individuals who perpetrate them. I have had the privilege of listening to and working with hundreds of female survivors of sexual and physical violence, whose incredible support I will forever appreciate. However, I have also engaged in extremely challenging and complex conversations with rapists, predators, and other criminals to help identify alarming behaviour traits and behaviour patterns. This allows us to predict future acts of violence and learn to prevent them.