‘Consent’ is the defining noun that separates sex and consensual sexual activity from rape, sexual assault and abuse.
Since early September, the face of a woman from a small village in southern France has dominated global front pages. Gisèle Pelicot is at the centre of a high-profile trial where the main defendant is her ex-husband, Dominique Pelicot. He has admitted that, for nearly a decade, he drugged her and invited other men to allegedly abuse her in her own bed, without her knowledge, all while he filmed the assaults. Fifty other men are also on trial alongside Pelicot, accused of rape—charges many of them deny. Some of the accused are expected to argue that they believed Gisèle Pelicot had consented to what happened to her.
In response, she said of the men on trial: “These men are degenerates. They committed rape.”
Dominique Pelicot and the other accused men—when they saw a woman unconscious in her own bed, did none of them stop to ask themselves a question? Did none of them have the sense to question what was happening? How could they possibly believe that any form of clear and freely given consent existed under those circumstances?
In my forthcoming book, “NEVER A VICTIM – The Definitive Guide to Women’s Safety” I will make it crystal clear what ‘consent’ in above context means:
“What distinguishes consensual sex or gestures of affection from sexual assault is consent. Sexual consent is a free, voluntary, and informed agreement between you and another person to participate in a sexual act. It must be clearly and freely communicated. Remember, you cannot give consent if you are underage, intoxicated, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. If you find yourself agreeing to an activity under pressure, intimidation, or threat, that is not true consent because it was not given freely. Be aware that unequal power dynamics, such as those between you and an employer or teacher, also invalidate consent, as it cannot be freely given in these situations. Consent is all about clear communication, and you have the right to withdraw it at any point if you feel uncomfortable. While verbally withdrawing your consent can sometimes be challenging, you can also use non-verbal cues, such as showing discomfort, to withdraw your consent.”
Concerningly, many countries, including those in the Americas, have legal definitions of rape based on force or the threat of force, rather than on the absence of consent. Equality Now’s recent study found that in 23 of the 43 jurisdictions surveyed in the Americas, the law requires the use of violence, threats, or taking advantage of the victim’s physical helplessness, incapacity, or inability to resist as elements of rape.
Force-based definitions of rape fail to meet international human rights standards and are deeply problematic for several reasons. They often leave certain types of rape unpunished, contribute to rape myths, and reinforce the perception that victims are responsible for protecting themselves from being raped. They also severely limit the extent to which rape can be successfully prosecuted. Overall, these definitions ignore the realities faced by many women and girls in the context of rape or sexual assault and enable significant impunity for perpetrators.
I will explore the definitions and legal aspects of rape and sexual assault in various countries, comparing them in the international edition of my book NEVER A VICTIM.
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About the Author
My name is Robert Kaiser. I am the author of NEVER A VICTIM, a book aimed at helping women prevent both physical and sexual violence. The UK edition will be available from on 20 November 2024, with an international edition following on 22 January 2025. Both editions will be available in hardcover and eBook formats, with audiobook versions scheduled for release in 2025. This extremely comprehensive guide book contains 504 pages, over 110,000 words, and includes numerous safety recommendations highlighted to enhance women’s safety, and empower women to trust in their innate ability to protect themselves and stay safe.
Over the past three decades, I have dedicated myself to understanding violence against women, including sexual violence, specific acts of physical violence, and the individuals who perpetrate them. I have had the privilege of listening to and working with hundreds of female survivors of sexual and physical violence, whose incredible support I will forever appreciate. However, I have also engaged in extremely challenging and complex conversations with rapists, predators, and other criminals to help identify alarming behaviour traits and behaviour patterns. This allows us to predict future acts of violence and learn to prevent them.