Women's Safety Information

We all know a person who tries to control others, forces their opinions on everyone and gets their way because people are afraid to stand up to them for fear of getting on their bad side. But do we realize how destructive this bullying behavior really is to those involved or what makes a bully in the first place? After all, we experience it in families, school, the workplace, neighborhoods and public places. Come with me as I dissect one real-life story (out of millions) to illustrate the impact bullying makes.

Real-Life Story – Bully In the Neighborhood

A nearby condominium association has always been a little strict but that’s what reminded homeowners to keep track of things so the neighborhood always looks and feels great. It was a peaceful, friendly place where neighbors knew each other by name and were always available to help one another.

Recently, a new board member took over the association by appointing herself to the position without a vote or anyone standing in her way. She walks the neighborhood day and night finding (or creating) violations to exhibit her power over others. Association meetings that used to be one hour are several hours long with all of the residents who have gotten reprimanded for ridiculous violations of vague guidelines scheduled to appear in front of the board.

There are so many absurd violation letters being handed out, the general feel of a recently friendly, warm and fuzzy neighborhood is rampant with negative discussions of the association and unreasonable violation notices. Numerous homeowner have gotten letters scolding them for something, requiring them to fit a 3-4 hour association meeting into their busy schedule to explain themselves as if they are children.

One violation was about neighbor’s Rottweiler barking as the president and her husband jogged by looking for more violations. Obviously, the bully doesn’t realize a watchdog’s job is to deliver a bark-alert about someone who is not normally in the area.

Several of the former association board members have resigned because of the new president feeling helpless, frustrated and fearful of her wrath.



Anatomy of a Bully: Attacker mindset

Low self-esteem Insecure Feels out of control of own life Chooses to control someone else (or everyone else in this case) to feel powerful again
This Bully’s Impact on a Once Warm and Fuzzy Neighborhood

Fear of being written up for Unnecessary stress when home is suppose to be a haven Frustration than no one is standing up to the bully A feeling of helplessness Invasion of privacy Anger Negative cloud over neighborhood Time away from life and family to address ridiculous claims at meetings Confusion as to how this person became a board member Disappointment in other board members, neighbors who won’t stand up to bully Memory trigger from past bullying experiences (we’ve all had them)

A bully is an attacker and bullying is attacking, in this case, mentally and emotionally. You may wonder why I call such a typical behavior “attacking.” That is because it is seriously negative, destructive, bad behavior and should be treated as such.

Remember that attackers are weak and usually back down if someone stands up to them who appears stronger mentally or emotionally. They are using their victims to get a power fix since they feel out of control of some part of their own life.

If we knew more about this new president’s life, I’m sure we would quickly see where she feels out of control which would explain but not justify why she attacks. There are plans to have an election for new board members!

Bullying can get you what you want, where you want to go and speed up your journey, but on the way back down, which happens eventually, you have to pass by the people you stepped on, on your way up.

By: Kelly Rudolph

About the Author:

Although there are plenty of awesome, gentlemen around, sometimes we meet one that gives us the creeps. We may even think there is something wrong with us because he keeps telling us he’s a gentleman. I’ve encountered this situation more than a few times and I’m guessing you have to. So let me share some very simple things you can do to determine if it is safe to be around a man. By safe, I mean physically, mentally and emotionally.

Trust that gut feeling If a man tells you that he is a gentleman instead of proving it, he isn’t Enforce your personal boundaries to avoid being near anyone who gives you the creeps
True Story To Illustrate:

I was waiting with a girl friend in a long line for harbor cruise and the man behind us interrupted our conversation to comment on what we’d been talking about. She and I had been discussing the fact that I had to explain to guy why it is polite and appropriate to walk a woman to her car when she’s leaving a club late at night. The guy behind us (we’ll call him Brad), stated that he was a 50 year old gentleman and commented that gentlemen are seemingly rare these days.

As we listened to him, we both got the creeps and so did the other women overhearing the conversation. Brad mentioned several times that he was a gentleman and always followed it with an increasingly inappropriate compliment or comment about women. I decided he was trying to take the curse off of the comments by telling us he was a gentleman.

Finally, with Brad moving closer and closer to my friend, getting in her space, I told him that his comments were inappropriate and that he didn’t seem to be a gentleman at all. That seemed to make him even more enthusiastic about saying off-color comments like how good my friend’s jeans fit and how great she looked at 47. Interspersed were mentions of his wife, which I took as more attempts to remove the curse from his offensive monologue. He would also say, “I’m sorry but,” before he said something that made us uncomfortable.

As a Personal Safety Trainer, I have very solid personal boundaries and am not at all shy about enforcing them. I told him that the more he told us he was a gentleman and apologized the more he seemed like a creep. He started to speak again and I said, “You’re stepping over the line and you need to stop talking right now.” Finally, he shut up. Later on the boat, a couple of women who overheard the conversation complimented me on the way I handled the situation.

This story is a perfect example of the need to trust gut feelings, pay attention to someone’s behavior instead of their words if they don’t match and establish and enforce personal boundaries. Brad is a verbal and mental abuser. Part of what he did by stating that he was a gentleman and apologizing prior to rude comments can be considered crazy-making as in domestic violence situations. This is where the perpetrator makes him or herself out to be the normal one so that the victim thinks they are the one with the problem.

Knowing how to tell a creep from a gentleman is an important safety tip for women!

By: Kelly Rudolph

About the Author:

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Although there are plenty of awesome, gentlemen around, sometimes we meet one that gives us the creeps. We may even think there is something wrong with us because he keeps telling us he’s a gentleman. I’ve encountered this situation more than a few times and I’m guessing you have to. So let me share some very simple things you can do to determine if it is safe to be around a man. By safe, I mean physically, mentally and emotionally.

Trust that gut feeling If a man tells you that he is a gentleman instead of proving it, he isn’t Enforce your personal boundaries to avoid being near anyone who gives you the creeps
True Story To Illustrate:

I was waiting with a girl friend in a long line for harbor cruise and the man behind us interrupted our conversation to comment on what we’d been talking about. She and I had been discussing the fact that I had to explain to guy why it is polite and appropriate to walk a woman to her car when she’s leaving a club late at night. The guy behind us (we’ll call him Brad), stated that he was a 50 year old gentleman and commented that gentlemen are seemingly rare these days.

As we listened to him, we both got the creeps and so did the other women overhearing the conversation. Brad mentioned several times that he was a gentleman and always followed it with an increasingly inappropriate compliment or comment about women. I decided he was trying to take the curse off of the comments by telling us he was a gentleman.

Finally, with Brad moving closer and closer to my friend, getting in her space, I told him that his comments were inappropriate and that he didn’t seem to be a gentleman at all. That seemed to make him even more enthusiastic about saying off-color comments like how good my friend’s jeans fit and how great she looked at 47. Interspersed were mentions of his wife, which I took as more attempts to remove the curse from his offensive monologue. He would also say, “I’m sorry but,” before he said something that made us uncomfortable.

As a Personal Safety Trainer, I have very solid personal boundaries and am not at all shy about enforcing them. I told him that the more he told us he was a gentleman and apologized the more he seemed like a creep. He started to speak again and I said, “You’re stepping over the line and you need to stop talking right now.” Finally, he shut up. Later on the boat, a couple of women who overheard the conversation complimented me on the way I handled the situation.

This story is a perfect example of the need to trust gut feelings, pay attention to someone’s behavior instead of their words if they don’t match and establish and enforce personal boundaries. Brad is a verbal and mental abuser. Part of what he did by stating that he was a gentleman and apologizing prior to rude comments can be considered crazy-making as in domestic violence situations. This is where the perpetrator makes him or herself out to be the normal one so that the victim thinks they are the one with the problem.

Knowing how to tell a creep from a gentleman is an important safety tip for women!

By: Kelly Rudolph

About the Author:

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